418 "Occasionally Amber"
(Original Air Date: April 29, 2000)

Written by Lawrence Meyers; Directed by Kyle Chandler; (as "fanscribed" by Janet)

Pictures for "Occasionally Amber"

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Kyle’s voiceover: Previously on Early Edition (Scenes from The Iceman Taketh are shown)

Gary: "Lermontov stolen" (Reading from newspaper)

Brigatti: I’m here to catch a thief (on board the cruise ship)

Amber: I’m Amber Lamonte

Paul Cantner: I stole that watch?

Brigatti: That creep. This isn’t the Lermontov. This is a fake.

Amber: Oh, Larry!

Gary: (in convertible confronting Amber about theft) Drop the act.

Amber: What are you talking about?

Gary: Planting that watch on Paul.

Amber: Now, why would I do that?

Gary: I think to hide the fact that you switched the real Lermontov with the fake.

Amber: Cute and smart.

Gary: Look, Amber—or whatever your name is--Why don’t you turn this car around right now, huh?

Amber: ha, ha. (Tosses the necklace, which lands on a rake hanging from the side of a trash truck driving alongside. Gary gets out of the car and chases the truck climbing onto the back of it to get to the necklace.)

Gary: Stop the truck!

Amber: Keep working on those glutes.

* * * * *

Scene: Brief shot of the city. Changes to interior of McGinty’s.

Gary: Good coffee. (Takes sip)

Marissa enters the room. Gary is sitting at a table in the main dining room with his coffee.

Marissa: You sound kind of chipper this morning. Must be a slow news day, huh?

Gary: That’s because there is absolutely nothing going on today, Marissa. Unless, of course, you life in Eastern Europe.

Marissa: What?

Gary: East and West Morenia—they’re at it again.

Marissa: Oh, well, hop on a plan and expand your horizons.

Gary: Not today. I’ve got plans for the evening.

Marissa: That’s right. Your first date with Brigatti.

Gary: It’s not a date. It’s dinner.

Marissa: Dinner isn’t a date?

Gary: No, dinner is dinner.

Marissa: Aha.

Gary: Until then, I’m going to sit back and watch the clouds float by.

(Chuck enters the room unnoticed.)

Chuck: Gar!

(Gary jumps, startled)

Gary: Chuck, what are you doing in Chicago?

Chuck: I’m putting on my top hat, trying on my shoes dusting off my tails.

Marissa: Chuck?

Chuck: Care for a spin? (Pulls Marissa to him and spins her around.)

Marissa: No, I –

Chuck: Marissa, I always wanted to dance with you, and now I have.

Marissa: Goodness (Coming out of the spin) Whoa!

Gary: Chuck, what are you doing here?

Chuck: You’re not going to believe it.

Gary: Did you win the lottery?

Chuck: Close

Marissa: You rigged the lottery.

Chuck: No, but that’s a good idea.

Gary: Spielberg wants your pictures.

Chuck: I can’t even get him to return my calls. (Leans on the bar)

Gary: What are you doing here?

Chuck: I’m getting married!

Gary: (raises eyebrow) You what?

Chuck: She’s sensitive, kind, caring. She’s my muse. (Gestures with his hands) She’s my inspiration.

Gary: Well, Congratulations!

Marissa: That’s great.

Chuck: She insists on getting married here—you’ll be the best man.

Gary: The best—well, yeah, of course I will.

(Big smiles from Gary & Marissa)

Marissa: So, when’s the wedding?

Chuck: In two days.

Gary: Two days?

Chuck: Look, when it’s right, it’s right.

Gary: Yeah, of course. When do we get to meet this woman of your dreams?

Marissa: Yeah.

Chuck: Right now. Honey!

Gary: I can’t believe it. Chuck’s getting married.

Marissa: Yeah, it’s strange.

Chuck: Gary, Marissa—may I introduce my fiancée Jade.

(Blonde woman enters the restaurant and removes her sunglasses. Gary is stunned to see that she is Amber of the Lermontov diamond incident.

Cut to Opening Credits

Chuck: Look at him honey. He’s speechless. Come on Gary, aren’t you at least going to say hello?

Jade: Well, you’ve told me so much about Gary, Hon, I feel I already know him.

(Chuck and Jade approach Gary who stands staring at her)

Gary: Gee, I feel the same way—

Jade: Jade. It’s Jade.

Gary: Jade. Oh, what an interesting name, Jade. That’s quite an accent, too. Is that Australian?

Chuck: (Looking at Jade) Talk about a turn-on. I was at the craft service table eating gummi bears when I heard this voice. I turned around, and the rest is history..

(Jade runs her right hand on Chuck’s cheek.)

Gary: (Laughs) Really? How long ago was that?

Jade: Gosh, seems like forever ago.

Chuck: Two weeks ago tomorrow, cupcake.

Gary: Two weeks.

Marissa: What do you do Jade?

Chuck: Gar, isn’t it obvious? With those looks she’s an actress.

(Camera switches back and forth between the two of them.)

Gary: Oh, and I bet she’s very good at it.

Jade: All the world’s a stage, Gary. We’re merely players.

Gary: Shakespeare.

Chuck: Not only does she have beauty, but brains! How could I help falling in love with her?

Marissa: Why did she fall for you?

Jade: Chuck and I are soul mates. Under the skin, we’re the same.

Gary: Ha Ha Ha Ha. That’s a scary thought.

Marissa: Well, we’re just happy for the both of you.

Gary" You know what? If you’ll excuse us, we’ve got a kitchen problem.

Marissa: Kitchen problem?

Gary: A problem in the kitchen. Be right back.

(Gary pulls Marissa away to the kitchen with him while Chuck looks at Jade adoringly.)

Scene: McGinty’s Kitchen. Gary has his back to Marissa but turns toward her. One of the cooks is in the background working. Gary whispers to Marissa.

Marissa: She’s a jewel thief?

Gary: Shh! She’s the one who stole the Lermontov diamond.

Marissa: Are you sure?

Gary: Yes, I’m sure. I danced with the woman. I was practically inside her dress.

Marissa: You should leave that part out when you talk to Chuck.

Gary: How am I going to tell Chuck that the woman of his dreams happens to be a nightmare?

Marissa: I don’t know Gary, but you have to tell him. I mean, you can’t go off and let him marry a crook.

Gary: All right. (Gary exits the kitchen and goes into the main dining room. Jade is alone.) Where’s Chuck?

Jade: He went out to the car. Gary, we have to talk. (Gestures with her right hand and walks toward Gary.)

Gary: No, we don’t.

Jade: I know how it looks, but you’ve got it all wrong. Really. This is my real voice, and my name really is Jade.

Gary: What’s it going to be later on—Ruby or Pearl?

Jade: It’s going to be Mrs. Chuck Fishman.

Gary: Oh, not if I can help it.

Jade: Gary, I’ve gone straight.

Gary: Yeah, the Cubs are going to win the pennant this year, too.

(Jade walks down the stairs into the dining room toward Gary who backs away from her.)

Jade: You may not believe this, but when you made me give back the Lermontov Diamond, I realized I had to make a change.

Gary: What, are you ripping off Hollywood producers now?

Jade: I’m not going to bore you with my life story, but there is a reason I turned out the way I did.

Gary: Really.

Jade: Anyway, I decided to start my life over, and I’ve been acting my whole life, so I figured I’d put it to use in Hollywood. And then I met Chuck. And now, for the first time in my life, I’m happy, Gary. I’m truly happy, and so is Chuck.

Gary: You’re right. I don’t believe you.

(Gary starts to leave. Jade grabs his arm. Gary turns back toward her.)

Jade: Look, I don’t expect you to care about me, but what about Chuck. I mean, are you really willing to break his heart?

Gary: You’re a crook! (Voice goes up an octave)

(Jade walks away.)

Jade: You know, not to split hairs or anything, but I’ve never been convicted of anything. The cops don’t have a thing on me.

Gary: You stole the diamond. I saw it.

Jade: Could you prove it? The necklace was returned. Social Order was preserved. Where’s the crime, Gary? Tell me you’ve never done anything wrong before. Are you so self-righteous that you’re willing to ruin two people who truly love each other? (Walks toward Gary.)

(Chuck walks back into the restaurant. Walks over to Gary and hands him a bottle.)

Chuck: For you buddy.

Gary: (Holds bottle up) Dom Perignon.

Chuck: I was going to go Californian, but Jade insisted on only the best. (Hugs Jade.) That’s the way she is, Gar. (Hugs Jade again.) I don’t know how I lived this long without her.

Gary: Listen, Chuck—

Chuck: You know what I wish? Is that someday you’ll be half as happy as I am right now.

Jade: Well, Gary has something he wants to tell you, Hon. Don’t you Gary?

Gary: Yes, I do. (Hesitates looking at bottle.)

Chuck: Well?

Gary: I-I just want to wish you all the happiness and love that the world has to offer.

Chuck: Group hug. (Pulls Gary & Jade to him and hugs them both.)

Scene: Chicago Police station.

Man: Hey, Brigatti. This just came in. Lieutenant wants you on it. (Hands Brigatti a file folder.)

Brigatti: Thanks.

Man: No problem.

Scene: McGinty’s Office

Marissa: You chickened out!

Gary: I am not chickening out! They’re like two little lovebirds.

Marissa: You have to tell him and let him make his decision.

Gary: I know that, but what you don’t understand—

(Brigatti knocks on the door and enters.)

Brigatti: Knock, Knock.

Gary: Brigatti, you—Come in.

Marissa: Hello, Detective.

Brigatti: Am I interrupting?

Marissa: Actually, Gary and I were just discussing a little personal errand he has to run, weren’t we Gary?

Gary: I’m going to take care of that as soon as we’re done here.

Marissa: Good. Bye, Detective. (Marissa leaves the office.)

Brigatti: See ya.

Gary: What’s up?

Brigatti: Bad news. I got to cancel tonight.

Gary: Oh.

Brigatti: Business. But you’ll be interested, though. It’s Amber. Rumor has it she’s back in town, using another name, of course.

Gary: Really? Why would that be?

Brigatti: Good question.

Gary: (Opens file Brigatti hands him.) What is that?

Brigatti: The Harland Diamond—worth millions. It’s going up for auction.

Gary: Oh, I suppose you think this Amber is going to…steal the diamond.

Brigatti: (closes folder) That’s what a little birdie in Hollywood told L.A.P.D., so yours truly has to poke around, see what I can dig up. Do I get a rain check?

Gary: A rain check? Yeah, a rain check. I imagine we can work something out there.

Brigatti: Good. (Starts to leave.) You haven’t seen Amber recently, have you, Hobson? (Stops at door and turns back.)

Gary: Me? Why would I have seen her?

Brigatti: Well, as I recall, she had a thing about your glutes. If you do run into her, tell her "hands off."

Gary: Ha Ha Ha. Oh, yeah.

Brigatti: See ya. (Leaves the office)

Gary: A rain check. Oh, boy.

Scene: Bridal Shop. Chuck is looking at a cake & cake topper. The Chiffons "One Fine Day" is playing in the background. Gary enters the shop looking for Chuck.

Gary: Chuck.

Chuck: Gary, what are you doing here?

Gary: It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride in the gown before the wedding, so I thought I’d help out with the fitting.

Chuck: That is so thoughtful. Come here. (Gives Gary a hug.) Since I met Jade, I feel like hugging everybody.

Gary: Yeah. Hey, speaking of Jade, where is Jade?

(Jade enters the room in a gown.)

Jade: I’m right here.

Gary: Oh, uh, that’s bad luck. You, uh…I’m going…I’m going to handle this for you. (Gary and Jade go into the dressing room and close the door. Jade stands with her back to the door.)

Chuck: That’s my bud.

Jade: What do you think?

Gary: I think it’s quite a coincidence that you happen to be in Chicago at the same time the Harland Diamond’s being auctioned off.

Jade: I came to Chicago to get married.

Gary: Oh…Just like you came to Chicago with Paul Cantner during the charity ball.

Jade: What are you saying?

Gary: Well, I think what I’m saying is that, uh…I think you’re using Chuck the same way you used Paul.

Jade: Would I be buying a wedding dress on a job? (Jade turns to face Gary.)

Gary: It’s a perfect cover, isn’t it?

Jade: Oh, you’re being ridiculous.

Gary: am I?

Jade: Gary, I love Chuck. What do I have to do to convince you? (Looks in the mirror.)

Gary: Tell him the truth.

Jade: I can’t do that.

Gary: You want to get married? Come clean first.

Jade: No, I can’t.

Gary: (Opens the door and starts to leave.) Then I will.

Jade: No. (Closes the door Gary opened.) I’ll do it.

(Stevie Wonder plays in the background. Chuck dances with a mannequin as Jade & Gary watch him from the doorway for a minute before closing the door.)

My cherie amour
Distant as the milky way
My cherie amour
Pretty little one
That I adore

Gary: All right…Listen, Amber, Jade or whatever your name is –I’m going to trust you, but only ‘cause I can’t bear to see that guy hurt the way that I know this would hurt him. But listen to me—

Jade: Thank you. (Kisses Gary on the cheek.)

Scene: Booth at McGinty’s. Gary & Marissa sit talking.

Marissa: You’re playing with fire, Gary.

Gary: You didn’t see his face--or hers, for that matter.

Marissa: Honesty is always the best policy.

Gary: Would I be doing him a favor by telling him the truth, or would I be destroying his only chance at true happiness?

Marissa: So you really think Amber’s changed?

Gary: Yes, I think she really loves him and that everything’s going to be just fine.

Scene: Time lapse night to day of the skyline. Changes to Gary’s loft.



Gary walks to the door to retrieve the paper with a blanket wrapped around him.

Headline on the paper: Harland Diamond Stolen

Scene: El passes by McGinty’s.

Scene: McGinty’s Kitchen.

Marissa: You have to do something now.

Gary: How do we know it’s Amber of Jade or whatever her name is this month? (Pacing back and forth while Marissa sits holding the cat.) All the paper says is that the Harland Diamond was stolen. It doesn’t say by who. Whom. It could be anyone.

Marissa: Yeah, right. There are tons of cat burglars around here right now. Maybe there’s a convention.

(Gary stops pacing and sits down next to Marissa.)

Gary: All right, look. Marissa, suppose it is Jade. What am I supposed to do?

Marissa: Like I said, tell chuck.

Gary: Tell him his fiancée’s about to rip off the Harland Diamond? Why should he believe me?

Marissa: Then tell Brigatti.

Gary: I can’t. I already told her I haven’t seen Jade, and if I change my story, she’ll get suspicious, to say nothing about jealous.

Marissa: Jealous?

Gary: Never mind.

Marissa: If you’d told Chuck the truth, you wouldn’t be in this mess.

Gary: I know what I could do. I could call the auction house. I’ll give them an anonymous tip.

Marissa: (Glaring at Gary) Bravo.

Gary: Maybe there is something else we can do.

Scene: Brief exterior shot of the hotel Chuck & Jade are staying at.

Chuck: (Singing My Fair Lady score) I’m getting married in the morning. Ding-dong the bells are going to chime. (Holds his dry cleaning in his hands as he dances.) Girls coming—(There’s a knock on the door.) Coming! Tell me how you’ll miss me get me to the church ow! Get me to the church (Opens the door. Gary enters the room.) Gary!

Gary: Is that you singing?

Chuck: Yeah. I never understood the appeal of musicals but suddenly it all makes sense to me. You want a beer?

Gar: No.

Chuck: Wine? Nuts? I got a whole minibar stocked full.

Jade: (Entering from the bedroom) Who is it, Honey?

Chuck: It’s Gary.

Jade: Oh, Gary! What a surprise.

Gary: I don’t want to take up too much of your time.

Jade: Oh, no, no.

Gary: But, you know it’s traditional to have a rehearsal dinner before a wedding (gesturing with his hands) and, well, Marissa and I were thinking that we’d—we’re going to close McGinty’s and have a very special meal just for the four of us. Eight-course meal—the works. What do you say?

Chuck: (big smile on his face) Can you believe this guy? Give me another hug. (Wraps Gary in a hug.)

Gary: Ha Ha Ha! Uh, is something wrong, Jade?

Jade: Well, no, it’s just (walks closer to the guys) that I meant to meet with my hairstylist tonight. Remember, darling?

Chuck: Do you have to?

Jade: I do want to look my best for tomorrow.

Gary: Gee, I don’t know. I think the natural look suits you best--wholesome, simple--don’t you?

Chuck: Absolutely. Besides, what is more important?

Jade: No, You’re right. I’ll cancel.

Chuck: Perfect.

Gary: We’re on the entire evening—just the four of us.

Scene: Lobby of hotel. Many people walking around. One man stops and watches Gary as he leaves. Puts a cigarette in his mouth.

Scene: Sporting goods store. Brigatti showing picture of Jade to the sales clerk. Other workers are stocking shelves.

Brigatti: Did you sell any equipment to this woman?

Clerk: You don’t forget a face like that.

Brigatti: She was here?

Clerk: Yesterday.

Brigatti: Really? She buy anything?

Clerk: A bunch of equipment—ropes, ascenders, carabiners. She knew what she was talking about. She was planning to climb Annapurna.

Brigatti: I need to see those receipts.

Clerk: I’ll talk to my manager.

Brigatti: Get him.

Clerk: Okay.

Brigatti: Annapurna—fat chance.

Scene: Brief exterior shots of McGinty’s. Switches to interior. A string quartet plays classical music in the back of the main dining room. Formally dressed waiters serve. Gary, Marissa, Chuck & Jade are seated at a table which is covered with a tablecloth and has a centerpiece and candles on it.

Chuck: Ah! Fantastic! What’s next?

Gary: Fish—

Marissa: Sea Bass.

Chuck: Sea Bass? The food was never this good when I was here.

Marissa: Well, we had to do something special for your bride, Chuck.

Gary: Is everything all right there, Jade?

Jade: Yes, find, thank you.

Chuck: Of course everything’s all right. What could be better than this?

(Two women dressed in police uniforms enter the building. They approach the group seated at the table.

Woman: Chuck Fishman?

Chuck: I’m innocent, I swear!

Woman: Gary Hobson?

Gary: Yeah, that’s me.

Woman: You two are under arrest. (Handcuffs the two guys behind their backs.)

Marissa: What?

Chuck: For what?

Woman: You’re charged with five counts of sexiness. (The two women start to giggle. They remove the uniform jackets revealing somewhat scanty costumes underneath.)

Come on in, fellas!

Chuck: Oh! Todd, Jeff—(As they do so a group of people walks into the restaurant. Chuck recognizes some of them.) What are you guys doing here? I can’t believe this.

Jade: This is your bachelor party, honey. You didn’t really think I was going to the hairstylists tonight, did you? (Shifts back and forth in her seat. Kisses the air in his direction.) Enjoy your last night as a free man.

Chuck to Gary: Did you know about this?

Gary: No, I didn’t. You can take off these handcuffs now.

Woman: Our orders are to detain you for at least two more hours.

Gary: Two hours? No, you don’t understand.

Jade: Now, snookums, you behave yourself. You can look, but don’t touch.

Gary: I promise.

Chuck: Isn’t she something, Gar?

Gary: Oh, she’s something else, all right.

Jade: Well, ta ta! Have a good time.

Scene: Dark room. Brigatti has telescope focused on Jade & Chuck’s hotel room.

Brigatti: (talking into radio) I’m in position opposite Amber’s room. (Takes sip of her coffee.)

Man: Anything happening?

Brigatti: Negative. Nobody home right now.

Man: You sure you got the right hotel room?

Brigatti: Positive. I traced it through her credit card receipt at the sporting goods store. She’s posing as a blushing bride.

Man: Cute.

Brigatti: She’ll show up, and when she does, I’ll be right on her tail.

Man: what about the auction house?

Brigatti: Don’t worry. They doubled security. You’d have to be Harry Houdini to get in there.

Scene: Auction House display room. Figure dressed in black enters via the skylight. Has black ski mask on as well. Gets past the security system by such means as making the invisible laser beams visible. Uncovers the pressure alarms by the display cases. Uses a drill with a suction cup to get into the diamond’s display case. Uses long handled claw to retrieve the diamond.


Many thanks to Janet for sharing her fanscription of "Occasionally Amber" – Thank you!

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