103 "Baby"
(Original Air Date: October 12, 1996)

Written by Bob Brush, Alex Taub; Directed by Randall Zisk; (as "fanscribed" by Janet)

Pictures for "Baby"

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[LAWYER'S OFFICE WAITING ROOM. GARY AND MARCIA ARE BOTH SEATED IN CHAIRS READING A SIN-TIMES. MARCIA HAS THE CURRENT PAPER. HEADLINE ON SPORTS PAGE FORTELLS OF CUBS LOOKING FORWARD TO A GOOD GAME. GARY'S PAPER PROCLAIMS THE LOSS OF THAT SAME GAME. GARY IS WEARING A SUIT AND TIE. MARCIA ALSO WEARS A SUIT.]
 

Chuck's Monologue: Sometimes things work out. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes, no matter how well you plan your foundation, the roof falls in... Kaboom! Nothing left but the rafters. Take my best friend Gary, a man born to have kids. Instead he's got a newspaper that tells tomorrow's news, and one about-to-be…

[DOOR TO LAWYER'S PRIVATE OFFICE OPENS. HE STEPS OUT]

Lawyer: Are we ready?

Chuck's Monologue: ...Ex-wife.

Gary: Guess so.

Marcia: Guess so.

Chuck's Monologue: Which goes to show, when it comes to the future, it's not what you know that counts, it's what you do when you get there.

[DOOR TO LAWYER'S OFFICE SLAMS SHUT.]

[OPENING CREDITS AND COMMERCIALS.]

[MCGINTY'S BAR. MIKE THE BARTENDER DOES BARTENDER STUFF IN THE BACKGROUND. CHUCK AND GARY ARE SEATED ON STOOLS AT THE BAR. CHUCK RAISES HIS DRINK IN A TOAST TO GARY'S NEWFOUND FREEDOM.]

Chuck: To single life - again. Welcome back buddy. We missed you.

Gary: Thanks a lot.

Chuck: Gar, look, it's gonna take some time, but believe me, you're better off without her.

Gary: You really think that, don't you?

Chuck: You got to get into the spirit of things. Look around you. Look at all these chicks. Look at her. Gar, you are a free man. Think about it - the thrill of the hunt all the action.

Gary: Yeah, the cold pizza for breakfast.

Chuck: Exactly

Gary: You know what she said to me?

Chuck: Who?

Gary: Marcia. We're at the lawyer's office. She turns around to me, and you know what she said?

Mike: She wants you back. [pause] I give up.

Gary: She says to me…

[FLASHBACK TO THE LAWYER'S OFFICE]

Marcia: No hard feelings, huh?

Gary: How's that?

Marcia: It's been fun. Call me sometime.

[SCENE SWITCHES BACK TO MCGINTY'S]

Mike: Man, that's rotten.

Gary: Thank you.

Mike: No, the Cubs - they're losing again.

Chuck: What else is new? Hey, Cheech, give me another crownie.

Gary: I got to go

Chuck: Wait a minute. What do you mean you're going? Would you sit down. Get him a drink, too. Will you relax, please?

Gary: I can't. I got to go.

Chuck: Where?

Gary: To a 7-Eleven over on Dunsworthy.

[GARY GETS UP TO LEAVE. PUTS HIS SUIT JACKET BACK ON.]

Chuck: Oh, buddy, that's bad. I know you're hurting, but hanging around convenience stores…Stick around. As your friend, I refuse to let you go.

[A WOMAN'S VOICE CALLS OUT FROM THE BACK OF THE BAR.]

Amy: Chucky?

Chuck: Actually, I could use a Slurpee.

Gary: Chucky?

Chuck: Amy Handelman.

Gary: Who?

Amy: Chuck, there's a seat over here.

[A YOUNG BLONDE WOMAN WITH GLASSES STANDS AND INDICATES A SEAT NEXT TO HER.]

Gary: Who is that?

Chuck: A doctor.

Patron: Excuse me.

[GARY AND CHUCK HEAD FOR THE DOOR.]

Gary: Really?

Amy: Chuck?

Chuck: Don't look over there.

Amy: Chucky!

Gary: Wait a second Chucky. She seems to like you. Maybe...

[GARY SEES A PRETTY BLONDE WOMAN IN THE BAR BEHIND AMY.]

Amy: Chuck. Chuck Fishman.

Chuck: Look, it was two years ago, Steamboat Springs. A junket. I was desperate. She's been stalking me ever since. Okay?

Amy: Chuck?

Chuck: I'll call you.

Amy: I'm in the book.

Chuck: Can't wait. Gary, come on, now move. Go. Now.

[GARY AND CHUCK WALKING ALONG A SIDEWALK. GARY READS HIS PAPER AS THEY WALK]

Gary: So that's what I have to look forward to? You call that the thrill of the hunt?

Chuck: Hey, sometimes you gotta take what you can get.

Gary: Oh, that's a motto to live by.

Chuck: But not you. You're going to make out like gangbusters. You're a good lookin' kid. You know? You're one of those "aw, shucks" kind of guys that girls really go for. You got nothing to worry about. Of course, you live in a dump, but you get tomorrow's newspaper, which, I may add, is one hell of an icebreaker.

Gary: Uh-huh.

Chuck: Hey you got to use what you got, buddy. I mean, it's a jungle out there. Dating game Darwinism. Only the strong survive. You're going to do good at this, trust me.

Gary: I was good at being married.

Chuck: Which explains why you're here with me tonight. Sorry. Forget about her. What have you got to lose?

Gary: What do you mean what have I got to lose? A family, a home, kids. You know I want kids.

Chuck: Why?

Gary: What do you mean, why?

Chuck: They're nothing but trouble. You got to change diapers, and all that snot and drool...

[GARY AND CHUCK HAVE ARRIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE 7-ELEVEN. A SUSPICIOUS CAR IS PARKED IN THEIR LOT WITH TWO PUNKS INSIDE, COMTEMPLATING ROBBERY.]

Gary: Stay here. (Walks toward parked car)

Chuck: ... it's disgusting.

Man in car: Okay, we're going to do this thing, right?

[GARY GETS INTO THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR.]

Gary: Jimmy, Roy. I know what you're planning on doing - don't do it. The guy behind the counter, he's got a sawed-off shotgun. He's got medals for marksmanship. Now, listen. Here's 50 bucks. That's all you were going to get anyway. All right? Look, you got a chance for a scholarship. And you got a girlfriend at home who loves you. What do you want to throw all that away for huh? Aargh.

[GARY EXITS THE CAR. TIRES SQUEAL AS THE PUNKS DRIVE OFF IN A HURRY.]

Gary: (To guys in the car) And while you're at it, do something about your muffler! (To Chuck) Let's go. Where were we?

Chuck: Movies.

[GARY AND CHUCK WALKING DOWN ANOTHER SIDEWALK. CHUCK READING HIS PAPER, CHECKING MOVIE SHOWINGS AND TIMES.]

Chuck: Look, all right. as long as we're on this side of town, nothing's lost. We can catch the Jackie Chan festival at the Arts. It starts at 8:15. Perfect.

Gary: Excuse me.

Chuck: Is this gonna take long? I hate missing the comin' attractions!

[GARY WALKS TOWARD A YOUNG GIRL STANDING ON THE PORCH OF A NEARBY HOUSE AND SPEAKS VERY QUIETLY TO HER.]

Gary: Hi, Molly. You going somewhere?

Molly: Who are you?

Gary: You're running away from home, aren't you?

Molly: Well, my parents hate me, and I hate them.

Gary: No, I don't think so. Look, your mom - she's sorry she yelled at you, and your dad - he's very proud of your math scores.

Molly: But they forgot my birthday.

Gary: No. Look in the back of the garage. There's a brand-new blue 10-speed. Why don't you go back inside? It's past your bedtime. Go. Go on.

[MOLLY GOES BACK INSIDE. GARY'S SATISFIED THAT SHE'S NOT GOING TO RUN AWAY AND COMES DOWN FROM THE PORCH.]

Gary: All right, what were you saying?

Chuck: 8:20. We blew it.

[GARY SIGHS.]

Chuck: Okay, plan B. We're downtown. The Brew & View. They're showing "Jaws" one through four. Perfect - we're in time for Jaws 3. That's in 3-D. Hey, Gar, did you hear me? I said that's in 3-D.

[INTERIOR OF A NEIGHBORHOOD GROCERY STORE. WOMAN CUSTOMER IS ATTEMPTING TO COME UP WITH ENOUGH MONEY AND FOOD STAMPS TO PAY FOR HER PURCHASES, BUT DOESN'T HAVE QUITE ENOUGH. BABY IS CRYING.]

Store Clerk: There's a line, lady.

Woman Customer: I have it. Here.

Store Clerk: You're a nickel short.

Man: Hey, what's the holdup?

Store Clerk: She has food stamps, and now she's a nickel short.

Woman Customer: I don't seem to have…

Store Clerk: What do you want me to put back?

Woman Customer: I - -

Store Clerk: How about the milk?

Woman Customer: No, I need that.

Store Clerk: The bologna then?

Woman Customer: No. Look, couldn't I just owe you the money? I live just down the street. I come here all the time.

Store Clerk: What about the bread?

Woman: Come on!

[WOMAN CUSTOMER HESITANTLY PLACES AN OLD NICKEL ON THE COUNTER.]

Woman Customer: It belonged to my grandfather. He told me it would bring me luck.

Store Clerk: Yeah? Well, it hasn't worked so far. (Reaches for nickel)

Gary: Hold it.

[GARY APPROACHES AND PUTS A NICKEL OF HIS OWN DOWN ON THE COUNTER AND LEADS THE WOMAN AWAY.]

Gary: She'll pay with this.

Woman Customer: Y-you, thank you. I can pay you back.

Gary: Yeah, I know you can. This is a 1913 Liberty Head nickel. He was going to sell it for just over $1 million tomorrow. Take it to a rare coin dealer in the morning. Seems like you should keep it in the family.

[CHUCK ENTERS STORE. GARY CHECKS HIS PAPER.]

Chuck: All right, all right, are you done? We could still make it. We got five minutes. Hey, Gar.

Gary: One more stop. (Exits store)

Chuck: You're impossible. (Follows Gary)

[GARY AND CHUCK WALKING DOWN YET ANOTHER SIDEWALK.]

Chuck: You can't let this gig be all consuming. I mean, even Batman had a social life. You remember all those parties at Wayne Manor? You're forgetting about the little people - your friends. What about, what about *my* needs, Gar?

Gary: This will just take a minute.

[GARY APPROACHES A MAN GETTING OUT OF A LIMOUSINE THAT HAS JUST PULLED UP ON THE STREET. A WOMAN IS LINGERING ON A BALCONY ABOVE.]

Gary: Uh, Senator…Uh…not tonight. You see the guy over there with the Bulls hat? He'd love to get a picture of you and the young lady. And he's not a Bull. And, uh don't forget it's an election year, huh? (Gestures with the paper)

Senator: Let's get the hell out of here.

[THE SENATOR GETS BACK IN HIS LIMO AND THEY DRIVE OFF.]

Gary: What were you saying?

Chuck: Never mind.

[GARY'S APARTMENT AT THE BLACKSTONE HOTEL. MARISSA IS WITH HIM. BOTH HAVE CUPS OF COFFEE. GARY HAS THE PAPER. THEY'RE SITTING AT THE TABLE.]

Marissa: What were we saying? Oh, yeah. Kids.

Gary: Yeah, kids. How can she not want kids?

Marissa: Uh, wild guess - because she doesn't.

Gary: She did when we met.

Marissa: She said that?

Gary: No, not in so many words, but a guy just figures that. Then she gets the job at the law firm, and...

Marissa: Well, you know, Gary, people change. I mean, look at you.

Gary: Yeah, a lot of people have families. Instead, I get a cat.

[MEOW FROM CAT ON BENCH.]

Marissa: Heroes never have it easy.

Gary: The only reason anyone would ever call me a hero is because I get this paper. Here.

[GARY PLACES A BOWL OF MILK ON THE FLOOR FOR CAT.]

Marissa: Maybe you get that paper *because* you're a hero.

Gary: Don't tell me about "hero". I couldn't even save my own marriage.

[GARY READS THE PAPER A MOMENT WHILE THINKING.]

Gary: Zeke.

Marissa: What?

Gary: That's what I was going to name him.

Marissa: Who?

Gary: My son - the first one, anyway.

Marissa: Well, what if it was a girl?

Gary: Zeke.

Marissa: Oh, well, that makes it easy.

Gary: He was going to play hockey, you know.

Marissa: Zeke?

Gary: Yes.

Marissa: The boy or the girl?

Gary: It doesn't matter.

Marissa: Oh. Just asking.

Gary: Go camping, sleep under the stars, hang out at the circus. You know I like the circus?

Marissa: You want to talk about this or not? I mean, because if you do, there's plenty of time if you still want to have a kid. People have them every day.

Gary: Oh, you're telling me.

Marissa: What?

Gary: Oh, Marissa, you're not going to believe this.

Marissa: What?

Gary: You're not going to believe this!

[GARY'S FACE LIGHTS UP WITH A BIG SMILE AS HE READS A CERTAIN ARTICLE IN THE PAPER.]

[MCGINTY'S. GARY AND MARISSA ARE SEATED AT A TABLE. CHUCK WALKS IN. GARY GRINS AS CHUCK SITS DOWN AND JOINS THEM.]

Chuck: Okay, here's the deal. I had this dream last night - Ralston Purina up six points. What do you say?

Marissa: You're dreaming stocks?

Chuck: I'm dreaming condos in Aspen. A house in Lake Geneva. Check it out in the paper, see what it says.

[CHUCK MAKES A FUTILE GRAB FOR THE PAPER.]

Chuck: Worth a try. [pause] What?

Gary: There is a story here that might interest you.

Chuck: Really? Why am I suddenly suspicious?

Marissa: No, no, no, no. It's good. It's good.

Chuck: Oh yeah? Well, where is it? Sports? Financial?

Gary: Here you go, buddy… page seven.

Chuck: Seven - my lucky number. Guys this is great. I promise I'll give you sev - -Oh, my God. Oh, no.

[ON PAGE SEVEN IS A PICTURE OF CHUCK HOLDING A NEWBORN WITH THE HEADING OF:

HERO DELIVERS ON 'L'

MEN'S ROOM AT MCGINTY'S. GARY IS READING THE PAPER WHILE MARISSA LISTENS AS CHUCK SPLASHES WATER ON HIS FACE.]

Gary: The stork came to Chicago on the downtown El yesterday afternoon in the unlikely person of Chuck Fishman, local stockbroker. Battling time and rush hour conditions, Fishman came to the rescue of housewife Anne Kellogg when she unexpectedly went into labor.

Chuck: I'm not doing it.

Gary: Mother and daughter were reported in excellent condition at Cook County Hospital.

Marissa: At-a-way, Doctor Kildaire.

Chuck: I'm not doing it.

Gary: What's wrong, Chuck? You're going to be a hero.

Chuck: Oh, groovy. Swell. But guess what? Chuck ain't doing it.

Marissa: Why? The paper says it turned out fine.

Chuck: What is this, some kind of joke? What is today, April Fools'?

Gary: No

Chuck: Nixon's birthday? Oh, I know. This is to get back at me for that time I short-sheeted your bed in college. Is that it?

Gary: Oh, no, no.

Chuck: Oh, I know. It's when I put your hand in that warm water on your wrist and you peed your pants.

Gary: Chuck, I don't, I don't think you have a choice.

Chuck: Sure I do, and here it is: No. There. Selection made. And you're in the men's room, young lady.

Marissa: Call me crazy, but that man has a problem with the miracle of childbirth.

[MAIN DINING ROOM OF MCGINTY'S]

Gary: Hey, Chuck, don't you think you're overreacting here a little bit?

Chuck: Yeah? How's that?

Gary: How's that? It says in the paper the mother and baby are going to be fine.

Chuck: Oh, sure - them.

Gary: So, what's the problem?

Chuck: What's the problem? I'll tell you the problem. The problem is… fluids.

Gary: Fluids?

Chuck: Yeah. You know, like… blood and stuff.

Marissa: Stuff?

Chuck: Yeah. Like... childbirth stuff. Look, I've never told this to anyone before, but in the seventh grade in biology class, you know, when you have to dissect the frog? Well I opened mine up, and there was this… stuff in it.

Gary: Really?

Chuck: Weird stuff.

Marissa: Chuck, delivering a baby is not the same as dissecting a frog.

Chuck: Close enough. Hey, I'll tell you what, maybe it's a different Chuck Fishman…

[GARY CHECKS THE PAPER AGAIN AND SHOWS CHUCK THE PICTURE.]

Chuck: ...who just happens to look exactly like me.

Gary: I don't think so.

Chuck: Well, this is why I tell you never to show me that paper.

Gary: Now you know how I feel.

Chuck: Yeah? Except unlike you, I'm not putting up with it. Mm-hmm.

[CHUCK FLIPS THROUGH THE WHITE PAGES.]

Chuck: Kellogg, Kellogg. Anne Kellogg. I'm out of here.

[ANN KELLOG'S HOUSE. SHE'S SEEN THROUGH THE WINDOW PUTTING A MEAL ON THE TABLE.]

Chuck: There she is. I knew I'd find her. Come on. Come on.

Gary: You know this is probably futile?

Chuck: What are you talking about? We're being good neighbors. If you were going to pop out a baby on the grimy floor of a public conveyance, you'd want a little advance notice as well.

Gary: Your concern is touching.

Chuck: God, what an appetite. Look at her go. Okay, wish me luck.

Gary: Just out of curiosity, what are you going to tell her?

Chuck: I don't know, but I'll think of something. I'm quick on my feet.

[CHUCK RINGS DOOR BUZZER. GARY SEES A BLONDE WOMAN WALKING PAST ACROSS THE STREET -- THE SAME WOMAN HE SAW EARLIER AT MCGINTY'S.]

Gary: It's her - the girl from the bar.

Chuck: Gar.

Gary: I'll be right back.

[GARY WANDERS OFF TO FOLLOW THE WOMAN, LEAVING CHUCK ALONE AT ANN KELLOGG'S DOOR.]

Chuck: Gar.

[ANN OPENS THE DOOR, FINDS CHUCK STANDING THERE.]

Ann Kellogg: Yes?

Chuck: Hi. Uh…I'm, uh… Chuck…Berkalsi. You don't know me. Board of Health.

[HORNS ARE HONKING. SIRENS BLARING. GARY STOPS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TO CHECK THE PAPER:

ELDERLY PEDESTRIAN STRUCK BY FIRE TRUCK

GARY PAUSES TO CONSIDER WHETHER HE SHOULD CONTINUE TO FOLLOW THE MYSTERY WOMAN OR HELP THE PEDESTRIAN.]

Gary: Not now. Please.

[HE CHOOSES THE PEDESTRIAN.]

Gary: Hey, lady! Stop! Don't cross. Don't cross. You can't cross.

[GARY RUNS TO KEEP THE OLD WOMAN FROM BEING HIT BY THE FIRE TRUCK.]

Old Woman: I will so, young man.

Gary: Please, lady!

Old Woman: Rotten scum!

[WOMAN HITS GARY ON THE LEFT SHOULDER WITH HER CANE.]

Gary: Ow!

Old Woman: Get a life.

[GARY FINDS THE BLONDE WOMAN AGAIN, RUNS AFTER HER, AND LOSES WHEN SHE GETS IN A CAB AND THEY DRIVE OFF.]

Gary: That's not fair!

[EXTERIOR OF ANN KELLOG'S HOUSE. ANN SLAPS CHUCK ACROSS THE FACE.]

Ann Kellogg: Next time, keep your opinions to yourself, creep. Get pregnant, the whole world thinks they're your obstetrician.

Chuck: Success. She's taking a cab. It worked. Okay, now check the paper, see what it says.

[GARY OPENS PAPER TO SEE A PHOTO WITH THE CAPTION:

HERO DELIVERS BABIES IN ELEVATOR

PHOTO SHOWS CHUCK HOLDING TWO NEWBORNS.]

Chuck: What?!?

Gary: Congratulations. Twins.

[COMMERCIAL]

[CITY STREET. GARY, CHUCK, MARISSA AND SPIKE ARE WALKING ALONG A BRIDGE. A BREEZE RUFFLES THEIR HAIR AND FLUTTERS THE FLAGS.]

Marissa: So, you handing out cigars?

Chuck: Very funny.

Gary: "The stork came early to a downtown elevator yesterday afternoon in the person of stockbroker Chuck Fishman…"

Chuck: All right, that's enough.

Gary: "Who came to the aid of an expectant mother and delivered twins."

Marissa: So where would this elevator be?

Gary: It doesn't say. Somewhere in Chicago.

Gary and Chuck: "name withheld by request."

Chuck: It's not fair. I don't know what I did to deserve this

Gary: You're asking us that questions? I can't believe you didn't - -

[GARY SEES A NEW HEADLINE IN PAPER:

WATER MAIN BREAK FLOODS MICHIGAN AVENUE;
SHOP OWNERS SUFFER

HE STOPS WALKING WHILE CHUCK AND MARISSA CONTINUE.]

Gary: Oh, great. Hey, guys, I got to go.

Chuck: Yeah, thanks for all your help, Gar!

Marissa: You know, you're being really weird about this. It's just basic biology.

Chuck: All right.

Marissa: It's pretty simple. First the mother's water breaks. Well, actually, it's not water. It's amniotic fluid from inside the uterus. Then the contraction begins, she pushes, you help receive the baby, you cut the umbilical cord and wash out the placenta, and then you - -

Chuck: Stop it! This isn't biology; this is "Poltergeist."

Marissa: You know Chuck, you can't run from fate. Sooner or later, it's going to catch up.

Chuck: Maybe I can't run, but I can hide. In my apartment. Under my bed. Thirty-five floors up. Barring the woman rappelling down my chimney, I ought to be all right. I'll see you later, I'm getting out of here.

Marissa: Good luck.

[CONSTRUCTION SITE. WORK CREW IN THE STREET. HEAVY EQUIPMENT IN PLACE. JACKHAMMER IN USE.]

Foreman: Another foot and a half should do it.

Gary: Excuse me! You got a problem here!

Foreman: You're telling me. Wife packed salami again. I keep telling her - salads. Greens.

Gary: No! No! I mean the hole!

Foreman: What about it?

Gary: It's in the wrong place!

Foreman: You got to be kidding!

Gary: Hey, it's right there!

Foreman: Hey, Mankewitz, you didn't move it did you?

Mankewitz: What?

Foreman: The hole!

Mankewitz: No!

Foreman: See?

Gary: Look, I'm telling you, you got the wrong plans!

Foreman: What?

Gary: They mislabeled the plans! You're going to hit pipes.

Foreman: Say that again.

Gary: In about six minutes, you're going to hit water pipe. You got six minutes - -

[GARY SEES THE MYSTERIOUS BLONDE WOMAN AGAIN.]

Gary: Not again.

Foreman: Hey, buddy, something wrong?

Gary: Hang on, I'll be right back! (Follows blonde)

Foreman: Nut. Keep drilling.

[SCENE: CHUCK BEGINS WALKING DOWN THE STREET.]

Chuck: Okay. Walk tall.

[HE STARTS TO SEE PREGNANT WOMEN EVERYWHERE!]

Chuck: Whoa! Okay. No problem, officer. Moving along. Moving right along. I got to get out of here. Excuse me.

[CHUCK RUNS AROUND IN A PANICKY STATE...]

Pregnant Woman#1: Watch it, you jerk!

Pregnant Woman#2: What's your problem?

[...BUT CAN'T SEEM TO GET AWAY FROM PREGNANT WOMEN!]

Chuck: Aaaaaaahhhhhh!

[CHUCK ENTERS THE LOBBY OF A PROFESSIONAL OFFICE BUILDING.]

Chuck: That's it - I need help. "Medical Services." A doctor… a doctor. A doctor… a doc - - "Amy Handelman, MD." Oh, what the hell.

[INTERIOR OF FLOWER SHOP. GARY IS SEEN OUTSIDE LOOKING IN THE WINDOW. INSIDE IS THE MYSTERIOUS BLONDE. WITH HER HAND, THE WOMAN BRUSHES HER HAIR ASIDE AND BEHIND HER EAR -- GARY COPIES HER GESTURE ON HIS OWN FACE.]

Gary: Okay. Don't panic. Stay calm. You can do this. No problem.

[GARY ENTERS THE SHOP, BUT THE MYSTERY WOMAN IS GONE]

Gary: Where is she?

Store Clerk: Who?

Gary: The woman you were just talking to.

Store Clerk: She went out the back.

Gary: She went out - -

[GARY RUSHES OUT THE BACK DOOR, BUT THE WOMAN IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. HE GOES BACK INTO THE FLOWER SHOP.]

Gary: Excuse me. Do you know who she is?

Store Clerk: Who?

Gary: The woman we were just talking about.

Store Clerk: Sir, I really can't give out that kind of information.

Gary: No, I mean, does she live around here? Does she come in here often? Is she married? Do you have - -

Store Clerk: Sir, don't you have anything better to do?

Gary: No, I don't have anything better to - - (Looks at his watch) Oh, God.

[CONSTRUCTION SITE. GARY RUSHES BACK ON THE SCENE.]

Mankewitz: Hey!

Foreman: Yeah?

Mankewitz: I think there's something down here.

Gary: Stop. What are you doing, huh? What are you doing? I told you to stop!

[JACKHAMMER HITS A WATER MAIN, SENDING WATER EVERYWHERE. GARY HALF-HEARTEDLY WIPES HIS FACE, BUT GIVES UP THE EFFORT TO CLEAR IT. HE WALKS AWAY WITH SHOULDERS SLUMPED, DEJECTED THAT HE MESSED UP AND FRUSTRATED THAT HE KEEPS GETTING DISTRACTED. WORKMEN YELLING TO EACH OTHER TO TURN WATER/EQUIPMENT OFF.]

[AMY HANDELMAN'S OFFICE. SHE'S SEATED AT HER DESK. INTERCOM BUZZES.]

Receptionist: Dr. Handelman, there's a Dr. Schweitzer here to see you.

[CHUCK WALKS INTO THE OFFICE.]

Chuck: Hi.

Amy: Chuck.

Chuck: Have you ever delivered a baby?

Amy: Sure.

Chuck: On a train or in an elevator with things flying around and wind blowing?

Amy: No, but I guess that I could.

Chuck: Good. Do you mind if I, uh, stay here for a while? (leans on file cabinet)

[HALLWAY AT BLACKSTONE HOTEL. SOAKING WET AND MISERABLE, GARY EXITS THE ELEVATOR.]

Boswell: Good morning.

Gary: (grumpily) What's so good about it?

Boswell: Did it rain or something?

Gary: No. (shoes squeak as he walks)

Boswell: Oh, by the way, you have a visitor.

Gary: Where?

Boswell: In your room. I let her in. She said she was your wife.

[GARY'S ROOM. MARCIA IS STANDING THERE WAITING FOR HIM. CAT JUMPS UP ON THE WINDOW SEAT. GARY STARES AT MARCIA IN SHOCK. MARCIA REACHES OVER TO PET CAT.

Marcia: Surprise.

Gary: Yeah.

[CAT MEOWS.]

[COMMERCIAL]

CONTINUE TO PART 2


Many thanks to Janet for sharing her fanscription of "Baby" – Thank you!


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