Camera Shy

‘Camera Shy’ continued...

Written by Eric Tuchman; Directed by Reza Badiyi; (as "fanscribed" by Heather)

{On the phone in his apartment}

MIGUEL:
Experience, Mr. Slossman? I assure you, Mr. Slossman, I have shot hundreds of weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. My candids? So help me, mister, they're gorgeous. As a matter of fact, I shot a beautiful Bris the other day. Before and after pictures... very artistic. Terrific, terrific. The thing is, Mr. Slossman, I'm going to need a little in advance.

{Knocking on the door}

MIGUEL:
Uh, no, double that. See, I suffered a few business reversals recently. What kind of reversals? Well, I need to get my cameras out of hock... Mr. Slossman? Mr. Sloss... oh.

{Gary's at the door calling for Miguel}

GARY:
Diaz.

MIGUEL:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

{Miguel opens the door}

MIGUEL:
Hobson.

GARY:
I got a bone to pick with you.

MIGUEL:
That makes two of us. Are those my cameras?

GARY:
You lied. Not so fast. What's on this film?

MIGUEL:
A bunch of snot-nosed monsters.

GARY:
Oh yea? Then why did someone try to knife me for it?

MIGUEL:
Knife you?

GARY:
That's right. The same guy that cut you.

{Miguel takes the cameras}

MIGUEL:
I don't know. Come on, give them to me, man. Oh, I missed you guys. Did they take good care of you?

GARY:
Oh, perfect.

{Gary looks at the paper: Photographer and friend beaten in robbery. He goes and looks out the window and sees a car pulling up}

GARY:
Well, they're here.

MIGUEL:
Who?

GARY:
'Father knows best' and his friend, that's who. Take a look.

{Miguel looks out the window and a guy gets out of the car}

GARY:
See? Look at him. It's the same guy.

MIGUEL:
Okay, we're in trouble. Now what?

GARY:
Well, I think it would be a good time for us to leave.

{Miguel gets all of his stuff}

GARY:
Come on, Diaz!

MIGUEL:
All right! Keys, keys, keys, keys. I'm right behind you.

{They get out the door and Miguel locks it}

GARY:
Come on.

MIGUEL:
All right, all right.

{They look at the elevator and it's coming up}

GARY:
Too late.

MIGUEL:
The stairs.

{They go to the stairs and there are men carrying up a couch}

MOVER MAN:
Watch your back.

MIGUEL:
This way, this way, this way. Excuse me, Mrs. Sherman. Excuse me, excuse me.

MRS. SHERMAN:
Ooh! my...

{They go to the trash chute}

GARY:
Huh? Oh, no. I'm going to use the fire escape.

MIGUEL:
We don't got one.

GARY:
That's never going to work.

MIGUEL:
Yeah, it will. I've done it before. Go!

{Gary slides down and Miguel puts all of his stuff down and goes down himself}

GARY:
Aah!

MIGUEL:
Whoo!

{Victor comes out of the elevator}

{Gary and Miguel land in the garbage}

MIGUEL:
Aah! See? it worked.

GARY:
Why don't you get off my leg and quit gloating?

{Mrs. Sherman puts her cat litter down the chute and it lands on Miguel's head}

MIGUEL:
Thank you, Mrs. Sherman.

{They go out of the building}

MIGUEL:
All clear.

{They see the other guy in the car}

MIGUEL:
Uh-oh.

{They run away as the guy in the car checks his watch}

{In the Sun-Times building}

MIGUEL:
I'm telling you, there can't be anything on this film.

GARY:
Just humor me, will you?

{Miguel sees the boxes of his stuff in the hall}

MIGUEL:
Oh, man, I don't believe it.

GARY:
What?

{Miguel is looking through the boxes}

MIGUEL:
My stuff. They're throwing out my stuff... my police pass, my Michael Jordan signed picture, my swimsuit calendar.

GARY:
Diaz, we got to get that film developed, huh?

MIGUEL:
They bent Miss February. I'm going to kill somebody. I swear.

GARY:
The, the film?

MIGUEL:
We got to get into the lab first, Einstein. Without my key, we ain't going nowhere.

GARY:
Are you trying to tell me that that key is in one of these boxes?

MIGUEL:
Don't worry. Everything's in a certain order.

{Gary picks up a bag}

MIGUEL:
Don't open that.

GARY:
What is it?

MIGUEL:
Tuna melt. Last year.

GARY:
Do you ever throw anything away?

MIGUEL:
Hey, I'm a pack rat. You never know when something's going to come in handy.

{Gary picks up a file}

MIGUEL:
Give me that. That's personal.

GARY:
You're damn right it's personal. It's all about me.

MIGUEL:
It's nothing, Hobson.

GARY:
What do you mean, it's n... this goes back three years, Diaz.

MIGUEL:
Hey, bro. It's not my fault you always show up where there's trouble. I ran a search on you, man. You're everywhere.

GARY:
A search?

MIGUEL:
Yeah. I got the best police scanners on the market, and you always seem to show up everywhere before me. You got a secret, don't you?

GARY:
A secret?

MIGUEL:
A special scanner, right?

GARY:
That's right. I've got a special scanner.

MIGUEL:
I knew it! Where did you get it?

GARY:
Is this the key?

MIGUEL:
Hey, if you don't want to talk about it right now, it's cool, man, but you owe me, Hobson.

GARY:
Yeah.

MIGUEL:
Give me the key. Come on. Let's go get this film done.

{Miguel tries his key in the door and it doesn't work}

MIGUEL:
Let me do the talking, okay? I can't believe it. They changed the locks.

GARY:
They did fire you, didn't they?

MIGUEL:
But to change the locks... that's low, man.

{Cathy walks up to them}

CATHY:
Miguel, what are you doing here?

MIGUEL:
Cath, you're a lifesaver. You got to let us in.

CATHY:
I don't know, Miguel.

MIGUEL:
Hey, this firing thing's temporary. They can't afford to lose their best shooter. What I got on these rolls, we're talking Pulitzer.

CATHY:
If anyone found out...

MIGUEL:
Cath, this is Miguel talking. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't important. I need your help.

{She opens the door for them}

GARY:
Thank you.

MIGUEL:
You're the greatest.

{Miguel puts the film in}

{Gary and Miguel are looking at the pictures that are on the film}

MIGUEL:
This country's in trouble. I'm telling you, Hobson. You see that little girl? She bit me. You believe that? Nasty. And those two? Animals. You need duct tape to keep them still. Maybe a nail gun.

GARY:
Just go on, will you?

MIGUEL:
The cast of "Barney," man. There's nothing here. I had to waste a few shots to calm this kid Walter.

{Gary sees something}

GARY:
Wait a second. Go back one. There. Now, can you blow that up?

MIGUEL:
Hobson...

GARY:
Come on, just humor me.

MIGUEL:
Chill, Sherlock. Give a guy a toy...

GARY:
That's him.

MIGUEL:
Who?

GARY:
That's the guy that was driving the car.

MIGUEL:
You sure?

GARY:
Yeah, I'm sure. Who is he?

MIGUEL:
What are you asking me for? You know, there's something about that guy.

{Victor and Bryce are looking through Miguel's pictures}

BRYCE:
Nothing, nothing, nothing. Look at this. They must have taken the film with them.

VICTOR:
This guy must have 10 years' worth of pictures here.

BRYCE:
Everything but what we want.

{Victor finds a picture of Miguel and his girlfriend}

VICTOR:
Aw, there's a happy couple, hey? Look at that. It's nice.

{Back to Miguel and Gary in the lab}

MIGUEL:
Bruce Bryce.

GARY:
Who?

MIGUEL:
Bruce Bryce. Big-time investment banker. Had trouble keeping his paws off his clients' money.

GARY:
You mean that guy that disappeared?

MIGUEL:
Died, supposedly. Remember? Feds started to investigate, Bryce goes out for a boat ride, boom.

GARY:
Yeah, his yacht blew up in the lake. Washed up on the shore a few weeks later.

MIGUEL:
The body was never found. Neither was any of his loot.

GARY:
Are you sure that's him?

MIGUEL:
Yeah, he's got a new piece, a few nips and tucks around the eyes. Maybe...

{He looks at an old newspaper article: Bryce sponsors boxers. He looks at the picture and it has Bryce and the other guy from before}

MIGUEL:
'Father knows best.'

GARY:
Victor Crowley, light heavyweight.

MIGUEL:
We got him, Hobson. Bruce Bryce! This is going to make my career, man!

{He hugs Gary}

MIGUEL:
Ha ha ha ha!

{He does some boxing moves}

{At Miguel's girlfriend's room. The doorbell rings and she looks through the peep hole and sees a bunch of roses}

LAURA:
Flowers won't cut it, Miguel.

{The doorbell rings some more times and she looks out and there is a stuffed bear}

LAURA:
Two minutes. Don't get any ideas.

{She opens the door and has a surprised look on her face}

{Back at the Sun-Times}

MIGUEL:
Go on, get the champagne out so we can celebrate!

{Cathy comes in and Miguel is dancing around and he starts to dance with her}

CATHY:
What is going on? Miguel, have you been drinking?

MIGUEL:
Not yet.

CATHY:
Miguel, stop. What is going on here?

GARY:
We just broke a story.

MIGUEL:
Not just any story, Hobson... the story. The dead returning from the grave.

CATHY:
What?

MIGUEL:
Bruce Bryce, swindler, presumed dead, shows up alive at the Chicago Nature Museum.

CATHY:
What?

MIGUEL:
Pictures by yours truly.

CATHY:
You're kidding.

MIGUEL:
No, mommy, I'm not kidding.

CATHY:
What was he doing in Chicago?

{The telephone rings and Cathy picks it up}

CATHY:
Photo desk.

MIGUEL:
Why is Bryce in Chicago? I mean, why would he risk being spotted?

GARY:
That's a good question, isn't it?

CATHY:
Miguel? It's for you.

{Miguel picks up the phone}

MIGUEL:
Diaz.

LAURA:
Miguel? Miguel, please listen to me.

MIGUEL:
Laura. What's wrong, baby? Laura...Laura!

BRYCE:
Diaz.

MIGUEL:
Who is this?

BRYCE:
You took my picture at the museum this morning.

{Miguel turns to Gary}

MIGUEL:
It's Bryce. He's got Laura.

{He turns back to the phone}

MIGUEL:
I know who you are, Bryce. You touch that girl, man, I'll kill you. I cut your heart out, man, and I put it in a sandwich!

{Gary takes the phone away}

GARY:
Hey, hey, hey! Hello?

BRYCE:
Who is this?

GARY:
It doesn't really matter who I am.

BRYCE:
Tell your friend to cool off, or his girl just made her last phone call.

GARY:
He's fine. There's no need to hurt her.

BRYCE:
If I get what I want, I don't have to.

GARY:
What?

BRYCE:
You disrupted my plans, so now I need you to retrieve something for me. If you don't want to...

GARY:
No, no, no, I get the idea. What is it you want?

BRYCE:
I want you to go to the Cicero Boxing Club.

GARY:
The Cicero Boxing Club.

BRYCE:
It's on 54th avenue. I want you to get me the heavy bag.

GARY:
What?

BRYCE:
The heavy bag. I want you to take it off the hook and bring the whole thing to me.

GARY:
What do you want with a heavy bag?

BRYCE:
That's really not your concern. Just bring me the bag. You have one hour. I'll be in touch.

{Miguel and Gary walking through the Sun-Times office}

MIGUEL:
Man, if anything happens to her, I swear...

GARY:
Everything's going to be fine.

MIGUEL:
How do you know? How do you know? A guy like that... You can't trust him.

{Miguel starts dialing a number on his cell phone}

GARY:
What are you doing?

MIGUEL:
Calling the cops.

{Gary looks at the paper: Cops bungle rescue; hostage dies}

GARY:
No, no, no! No cops. Bryce said no cops. He hears sirens, you never know what he's going to do. Listen to me. We're going to get her back.

MIGUEL:
Yeah? How?

{At the Cicero Boxing Club}

Guy at boxing club Come on, keep it up, keep it up, keep it up!

MIGUEL:
There it is. What do you think Bryce has got in that bag? Cash? Diamonds?

GARY:
I don't know, but we're going to find out.

{They go up to the guy punching the bag they need}

GARY:
Hey. Hey, pal! Uh, listen, we got to take this bag down.

BOXER:
Say what?

GARY:
We got to take this... the bag... repairs.

BOXER:
You joking right?

MIGUEL:
No joke, man. We need it.

BOXER:
I need it. I got a fight tomorrow.

MIGUEL:
Yo Rocky. Do me a favor and get your hand off the bag, or I'm going to knock your head to San Juan.

{Gary and Miguel are carrying the bag out and Miguel has some bruises on his face}

MIGUEL:
We taught him a lesson, huh?

GARY:
Yeah. When they start to allow biting in the ring, you've got a real future. That was a real nice use of the folding chair as well.

MIGUEL:
Yeah, well, we got the bag, didn't we?

GARY:
Just pick it up, will you?

{They pick up the bag}

{In the McGinty's van}

MIGUEL:
Listen, man, I'll take it from here.

GARY:
You what?

MIGUEL:
This ain't your fault. I can handle it. Just let me drop you off.

GARY:
Listen Diaz, I am not going to let you take this van there by yourself.

MIGUEL:
Why not?

GARY:
Why not? Because I feel responsible, that's why.

MIGUEL:
Come on, no way.

GARY:
If I hadn't have showed up at the pickle factory, you wouldn't have lost the job at the Sun-Times. You wouldn't have lost your job at the Sun-Times, you wouldn't have gotten the job in the museum. You didn't get the job at the museum, you wouldn't have taken the picture of Bryce, and your girlfriend wouldn't have been kidnapped.

MIGUEL:
You're right. When this is over, me and you...

{Speaking in Spanish}

GARY:
Right.

{At the docks}

MIGUEL:
Laura? Laura!

{Gary looks at the paper}

MIGUEL:
What, you got a sudden urge to do the crossword?

GARY:
No, it's...

{Victor walks out of the building and pulls out a gun}

VICTOR:
Where's the bag?

GARY:
The bag's in the... in the van.

MIGUEL:
Where's Laura?

VICTOR:
Bag first.

{Gary and Miguel go and get the bag}

VICTOR:
Okay, come on, hurry up.

GARY:
All right, take it easy, Victor.

VICTOR:
H-how did you know my name?

GARY:
Victor Crowley. Everyone knows your name. Golden glove champion.

MIGUEL:
Yeah, what happened, man? Champ like you doing Bruce Bryce's dirty work.

{Laura and Bryce come out of the building}

LAURA:
Miguel!

MIGUEL:
Laura!

LAURA:
Where have you been? What happened to you?

GARY:
You got your bag, we got the girl. What do you say we call it a night, huh?

BRYCE:
Hey, hey, hey, what's your rush?

{Bryce takes the chains off the bag}

GARY:
The chains? You wanted the chains?

MIGUEL:
You might have mentioned that before we hauled that across town.

GARY:
What, are they made of silver or something?

BRYCE:
They're made out of platinum. I knew the feds were closing in, so I hid my assets before my unfortunate accident.

GARY:
You mean you melted your fortune into a boxing bag chain?

VICTOR:
Mr. Bryce is a genius.

BRYCE:
I hid everything in plain sight in the last places they would think to look... this chain in the gym, diamonds at the ice age exhibit at the museum, gold doorknobs at the Athenaeum Club.

VICTOR:
Doorknobs.

MIGUEL:
You've been reading too much John Grisham, man.

GARY:
Just out of curiosity, why didn't you melt it all into one bar?

VICTOR:
Yeah, why didn't you do that?

BRYCE:
Little minds. I was diversifying.

VICTOR:
He was diversifying.

LAURA:
Okay, so why not melt it into a lot of little bars of different stuff and rent out a single storage unit? Keep it simple, minimize the risk of exposure.

BRYCE:
Shoot them.

MIGUEL:
Laura, honey, please.

LAURA:
But it was a logical question.

VICTOR:
Mr. Bryce, that wasn't part of the deal.

MIGUEL:
Definitely not part of the deal.

BRYCE:
You didn't think I would let you leave, did you?

LAURA:
You gave your word.

BRYCE:
Yes, and now I'm taking it back. Do it.

VICTOR:
Look, Mr. Bryce...

BRYCE:
Victor, you're already on the hook for kidnapping. You want to trade a life of luxury for a life in prison?

LAURA:
Don't listen to him, Victor. You're not a killer. A mid-level felon, maybe, but you're not a killer.

MIGUEL:
You tell them, honey. That's why I love her.

LAURA:
You love me?

MIGUEL:
Figure of speech.

LAURA:
Miguel...

BRYCE:
Victor, look at me. Look at me. We can't trust these people. You do it over there,

{Gary looks at the paper: Four found dead at lake}

BRYCE:
and then you meet me on the boat.

MIGUEL:
Yo, Bryce, that chain? I hope you choke on it.

BRYCE:
Victor? Shoot him first.

{Victor makes them move to the end of the dock and points the gun}

VICTOR:
Okay, you heard him. Let's go. Turn around. Let's go. Okay, that's far enough.

LAURA:
If we don't get shot, does this mean we're really going to get married?

MIGUEL:
Go ahead.

LAURA:
No, he's joking. Don't shoot him. We're going to have a family.

GARY:
Victor, you pull that trigger, you might as well shoot yourself. Think about it. You're the only one that knows Bryce didn't die in that boating accident a few years ago.

MIGUEL:
After you pop us, he's going to pop you.

VICTOR:
No. Bryce is my friend.

GARY:
Your friend? What kind of friend asks a boxer to throw the fight of a lifetime, huh?

MIGUEL:
We did a little research.

VICTOR:
They never proved nothing on that.

GARY:
Yeah, but you know, don't you? You had a chance at the light heavyweight title. You took a dive. You never had a big fight again.

VICTOR:
Hey, Bryce took care of me.

MIGUEL:
He used you, man.

VICTOR:
Shut up.

GARY:
Bryce got what he wanted, then he threw the rest away, just like tonight.

VICTOR:
Shut up! Just shut up!

{Three gunshots}

{At Bryce's boat}

BRYCE:
Good work, Victor.

VICTOR:
No problem, Mr. Bryce.

BRYCE:
Victor, it's a new beginning. You call me Bruce.

VICTOR:
Oh, thanks, Mr. Bruce... I mean, Bruce.

BRYCE:
We better get going. Why don't you untie us?

{Bryce pulls a gun on Victor}

BRYCE:
Get up. Turn around. It has to be a chest wound so the police believe you died in a shoot-out. It's nothing personal, Victor.

MIGUEL:
Bryce!

{Miguel flashes the camera to blind Bryce}

BRYCE:
Aah!

LAURA:
Gary!

VICTOR:
No, you don't.

{Miguel falls in the water and throws the camera to Gary}

MIGUEL:
Hobson!

LAURA:
Miguel!

MIGUEL:
Whoa!

LAURA:
Miguel! Oh, baby, swim!

BRYCE:
I don't believe this.

LAURA:
Come on, tread water.

MIGUEL:
Do you want to toss me that line, please? Hurry!

LAURA:
Come on, honey!

{The police are there and they put Victor in the car}

GARY:
Hey, I told them what you did. They might cut a deal. Maybe it's the second chance you're looking for.

VICTOR:
Thanks.

MIGUEL:
Nice catch, bro.

GARY:
Yeah. Here's your camera. As far as I'm concerned, I never want to see that camera again.

MIGUEL:
Bruce Bryce, man. We got him.

GARY:
Yeah, we did.

MIGUEL:
So, you think we got time to make tomorrow's paper?

GARY:
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can count on that.

LAURA:
Thank you, Gary. You can be best man at our wedding.

MIGUEL:
What?

LAURA:
Usher, okay?

MIGUEL:
Usher?

LAURA:
Come on. Baby, he just saved our lives. We got to give the man something.

MIGUEL:
No. You're missing the point here, baby.

GARY:
I think I'll go now.

MIGUEL:
Please don't go.

GARY:
No, I think you can take care of this, Diaz. Take care of him. Good night.

MIGUEL:
Hobson?

LAURA:
Oh, yeah, I'm thinking June. I'm thinking June 'cause everyone wants to be a June bride. Oh, no, no, my mother has trouble with allergies and June is high season.

MIGUEL:
Your mother.

LAURA:
Oh, you know what? We'll just load up on the Claritin she'll be fine, because no matter what, she's going to complain, I mean, she's got you right?

MIGUEL:
Listen to me, baby...

LAURA:
Names. Let's talk names.

MIGUEL:
What names?

LAURA:
If it's a boy, I have to name him after my fa...

MIGUEL:
Whoa, whoa!

LAURA:
Oh, my god, baby, that's so sweet. You want to have a girl first.

MIGUEL:
Ay, dios mío. No no, no. I don't want anything first.

LAURA:
Just you and me? Oh, baby, that's so romantic....

The end.

Many thanks to Heather for sharing her fanscription of "Camera Shy" – Thank you!

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