310 "Nest Egg"
(Original Air Date: December 5, 1998)
Written by Alex Taub and Sean Clark; Directed by Gary Nelson; (as "fanscribed" by Brandi)
Pictures for "Nest Egg"
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Brief summary: Lois Hobson, Garys mom, comes to Chicago in this episode, in hopes of finding the conman who swindled her out of her money. Gary, Erica, Marissa, and Lois come up with a plan to try and help her get her money back
[Opens with a shot of a building, Gary walking down busy Chicago sidewalk. Gary looks up, sees a group of men on a rooftop of the building, displaying a big snowman winter decoration. Gary looks at the paper, and reads the headline aloud:]
Gary: SHOPPER CRUSHED BY SNOWMAN
[Gary looks up and sees a man standing where the snowman is expected to fall. Gary runs towards that man, yelling.]
Gary: Hey, mister! Look out!
[Gary tackles him, moving him out of the way. Gary looks up, sees the snowmans head headed for him, and then it lands Gary then pops out of the snowmans hat and hears, ]
[Gary turns to see who called him.]
Lois: Is that you?
[-- Cue opening credits --]
[SCENE: Scene: Gary and Lois are leaving snowman site, walking down a busy sidewalk.]
Gary: Mom? Hey, wait a second!
Lois: Gotta run, Gary. Ive got a lot of errands.
Gary: What are you doing here?
Lois: What does it look like? Im shopping.
Gary: No, I mean you didnt even tell me you were comin to town.
Lois: Well, do you tell me every time you come to Indiana?
Lois: Well, there you go.
Gary: Wai - - wai - - wait a second. Where - - where---wheres Dad?
Lois: Hes in Tampa for the weekend.
Gary: What do you mean hes in Tampa - - Oh, yeah, the R.V. show.
Lois: See, its like a pilgrimage.
Gary: Where - - where are you sleeping?
Lois: At your place, of course. Gotta go.
[Lois kisses Gary on the cheek twice]
Gary: Hey, Mom!
Lois: No, no, no. Gotta run. Ill see you for dinner!
[She hurries away. Gary looks up and sees the men on the ground struggling to carry the snowman head back into the building. Gary shakes his head.]
[SCENE: Erica, Gary, Marissa, sitting at bar at McGintys.]
Marissa: Why are you so upset?
Gary: I am not upset.
Erica: I think its sweet.
Gary: No, its not sweet. Its - - its strange, is what it is. See, my mother, she always calls before she shows up - - somethings up.
Marissa: Like what?
Gary: Well, I dont know what, do I?
Erica: Why does anything have to be up? It just sounds like your moms an independent woman and youre obviously having trouble with that.
Marissa: (agreeing) Mmm-hmm.
Erica: Do you have a problem with independent women, Gary?
[Gary glares at Erica.]
Marissa: (to Erica, but so Gary hears) Hes having trouble.
Erica: Id say so.
Gary: Thank you very much for the input, but I gotta go.
[Gary hurries out of the bar, closes door. Shot goes back on Erica and Marissa.]
Erica: here we go again - - him and that paper.
Marissa: Well, you know Gary. He likes to, uh, keep up on current events, thats all. (Smiles)
[SCENE: Gary, walking outside of McGintys, looking at paper, reads aloud:]
Gary: Yesterday afternoon, several employees of the Big Four Sporting Goods Store thwarted an attempted robbery.
[Flashes to black-and-white what would-be type scene. Shows a man in a long jacket, holding his fingers in his pocket to look like a gun, and says, This is a holdup.]
[Garys voice comes over the screen. Still reading from the paper. Quick-thinking clerks spotted the would-be robber in the checkout line and took what one manager described as appropriate measures.]
[Shows clerks pointing guns and arrows (from store) at the would-be robber and the black-and-white would-be scene flashes out.]
[SCENE: Gary, walking into that store, sees the would-be robber, stands behind him, and invents,]
Gary: Well, I dont believe it. Moe?
Moe (the would-be robber) turns around, looks at Gary.
Gary: More Baxter, right?
Gary: Remember me? Gary Hobson. [Smiling]
More: No. [Turns back around.]
Gary: Come on, Moe. All those summers?
Moe: [turns and faces Gary again] At camp? [Smiling]
Gary: Camp. At camp. Yeah, camp. At Camp, uh
Moe: Kwamba. [Pats his chest, puts his hand on his forehead, wiggles his fingers--- must have been the camp handshake.] Whoo, whoo.
Gary: [does what Moe did.] Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, oh boy, oh. Remember, uh
Moe: The nicknames?
Gary: The nicknames!
Moe: Mine was Scooter.
Gary: Scooter. Thats right. Scooter.
Moe: What was yours?
Moe: Your nickname.
Gary: Oh, uh He turns around to the man behind them in line and says to him, Oh, why dont you go ahead? Were trying to catch up here old times. He turns back to Moe and says, Uh, mine? Oh, come on, you dont remember my nickname, Scooter?
Moe: Stinky! You were Stinky! You - - You were the kid that wet your pants!
Gary: Oh, Hey, hey, well, you got me! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Moe: Hey, hows the rash?
Gary: The rash? Oh, it comes and goes, the rash. So, hows everything goin, Scooter?
Moe: (forced smile) Great, uh, couldnt be better.
Gary: Come on, Moe. Scooter.
Gary: Come on, come on. Listen. Scooter, this is Stinky talking to you here. Look, you could never - - you could never lie to me. Come on. Open up. Gary has his hand on Moes shoulder, walks him away from checkout line.
Moe: (sniffles) Shes gonna kill me.
Gary: Whos gonna kill you?
Moe: Bernadette, my fiancé.
Gary: Well, youre engaged. Thats great!
Moe: No, its not. All the money I was gonna spend on her ring, I lost it. This investment guy ripped me off.
[Gary looks at Moe with a commiserating look.]
Gary: When wha - - then what happened?
Moe: The guy lied to me. There is no company, phone numbers been disconnected, my moneys gone. I havent told Bernadette yet.
Gary: Look, Scooter, look, if this woman really loves you, then she wouldnt care about your money, would she? I-I mean, she-shed care about whats in here, yeah? Shed care about what you - - what you have together.
Moe: You really think so?
Gary: Well, of course I think so! Its Stinky talking to you here. Dogonnit, you gotta believe me on this, Scooter. Now, listen - - Oh, I forgot - - Looks at his watch L-look, I forgot - - Ive got an appointment Ive gotta catch. Look, it was really good seeing you. Look, Scooter, you okay?
Moe: (smiles) Yeah.
Gary turns to walk away.
Moe: Hey, Stinky! Kwamba! Whoo hoo!
Gary: does the hand thing and says, Ha, ha, ha, oh.
[Instead of whoo hoo. He does it with a very funny kind of this-is-really-weird-and-I-gotta-go way. Gary leaves store, Moe smiles.]
[SCENE: Lois walking into McGintys. She walks up to Marissa, who is reading a Braille book at the bar.]
Lois: Marissa? Hi, its Lois. Lois Hobson.
Marissa: Hey! Lois! Gary told me you were in town. They hug as Marissa says, Good to see you.
Lois: Is he here?
Marissa: Uh, no, hes---
Lois: Hes out. Figures. Ive just got to drop my things in his room.
Marissa: Okay. Wait, wait. I want you to meet someone. Erica? Erica Paget? Lois Hobson, Garys mom.
[Erica walks over, shakes Loiss hand.]
Erica: Its nice to meet you. Ive heard so much about you.
Lois: You know, he hasnt said a thing about you.
Marissa: Well, you know Gary. He likes to keep things to himself.
Erica: Listen, can we get you anything? Some coffee or pop?
Lois: No. Id love to chat, but Im already late.
[She starts hurrying away.]
Mariss: Hey, hows Bernie?
Lois: Bernie? Oh, Bernie. Bernie, hes fine! He says to say hello! Nice to have met you, Erica!
Erica: Same here.
[Marissa and Erica smile.]
Erica: Definite family resemblance.
Marissa: You think.
Erica: The two of them, theyre always in a hurry
[Gary hurries into McGintys, and is out of breath, holding the paper.]
Gary: Ha-have you seen my mom?
Marissa: (laughing) Upstairs.
Gary: Shes here?
Erica: (smiling) Upstairs.
Gary: Sh-sh-she didnt by chance say what she was up to?
Gary: This better not be another surprise party.
Marissa: Oh, trust me, it isnt.
Erica: She didnt say anything about that. Erica walks away.
Gary: Oh, shes upstairs. My mom is upstairs, right in my room, and nows when it starts.
Marissa: When what starts?
Gary: Oh, you know what. You know my mom. Shes gonna want to see the paper, then shes gonna get involved, shes gonna get into everything.
[Lois walks into bar with coat on, carrying her gloves.]
Lois: Hi, Gary. Uh, dont worry about my stuff. I left it upstairs, and Ill take care of the hideaway when I get back.
Gary: Mom, listen---
Lois: [hurrying out of the door] Ive got to run. Im late. See you, son.
Gary: Yeah, but Mom--
Lois: Bye. Door shuts.
Marissa: Dont you hate it when youre always right?
Gary: Shes up to something. Ill see you later.
Marissa: Wherere you goin?
[Gary closes door and leaves quickly.]
Erica: Like mother, like son.
[SCENE: Gary walking down a sidewalk. He stops, hides behind a corner of a building, sees Lois at a payphone. An old lady looks at Gary with an I cant believe you! look. Gary walks slowly around the woman and says to her, while gesturing to his mom,]
Gary: Thats my mom.
[SCENE: Lois walking up stairs inside of a nicely designed building. She takes off her gloves and walks over to a bartender and whispers,]
Lois: Um, excuse me. Im looking for Stanley Hollenbeck.
[Bartender points to Stanley.]
Lois: Oh, thank you.
[Lois walks over to Stanley. He stands up and helps her to her seat. Camera then shows Gary walking up the same steps Lois had walked up earlier. He is holding his gloves and scarf and he hides behind a plant in the building to spy on Lois.]
Stanley: I know arrangements have been difficult, Lois, but were entering a crucial point in our relationship. Its not to be taken lightly. From here on theres to be trust and only trust.
[He pours them both, champagne.]
[Camera goes to Gary, who moves a branch down to see easier.]
[Scene: Gary is still behind the plant. He pulls his jacket collar over his face and hurries to another plant for a better view.]
Stanley: Its natural for you to have second thoughts, even guilt, but I really believe that this is whats best for you. And I know in the end, youre gonna thank me for not letting you walk away.
[Lois smiles, looks over at plant where Gary is hiding. Gary spreads branches for a better view, and Lois spots him, so Gary quickly lets go of branches to cover himself.]
Stanley: What is it?
Lois: [holding his hand]: Oh, its nothing. Stanley, would you excuse me for just a moment?
Lois: Be right back.
[She walks over to that plant, finds Gary speedily crawling away.]
Lois: Lose a contact lens? What are you doing here, Gary?
[Gary stands up]
Gary: I could ask [unzips jacket] you the same thing.
[Lois grabs Garys jacket, pulls him away to follow her. They end up in the women's bathroom.]
Gary: Look, Mom--
[She looks around bathroom to see if anyones in it. Gary then looks around.]
Lois: Have you been following me?
Lois: why are you here?
Gary: I came here to get a beer.
Lois: You own a bar.
Gary: Well, we ran out of pretzels.
Lois [puts her finger up]: Gary
Gary: So whos the guy?
Lois: What guy?
Gary [does the same motion that Lois did with her finger]: Mom
Lois: Well, its none of your business.
Gary: Are you
Lois: Am I
Gary: You and him - - are you and Dad--
Lois: Oh, your dad has nothing to do with this.
Gary: Oh, Im sure hell be glad to find that out!
Lois: Find out wh - - what are you talking about?
Gary: Youre gonna make me say it, arent you? Youre having a---blugh - - a - -
Lois: A what?!
Gary: [struggles to say it] Youre having an [exhales] - - an affair!
Lois. [shocked] She says: An affair? Is that what you think? Thats why youre following me?
Gary: Well, you avoid me all day, then all of a sudden I find you sippin champagne with a stranger. What am I supposed to think, huh?
Lois: I think you should give your mother the benefit of the doubt.
Gary: Okay. [exhales] Okay. So! Whats goin on? Whos the guy?
Lois: None of your business
Gary: Oohh! So why dont I just go ask the little fella?
Lois: No, Gary! Wait. Look, do you really want to know whats going on?
Gary [sarcastically]: Oh, no. I enjoy standing in the Ladies Room, Mom.
Lois: Fine. Just stay here. Let me say goodbye to Mr. Hollenbeck, and then I will tell you all about it. She walks out the door.
Gary: [mocking] Mr. Hollenbeck. [annoyed] You mind if I wait outside?
[SCENE: Gary and Lois walking down a sidewalk outside.]
Gary: Alright. S-so if its not an a - - [lowers his voice] an affair - - [voice returns to normal] then what is it?
Lois: Its personal.
Gary: Look, this is your son talkin to you. If you cant tell me, who can you tell?
Lois: I suppose youre right.
Lois: So, you know how your father thinks hes the big financial genius of the family, when its me who writes all the checks and keeps the books---
Gary: Mom, what happened? They cross the street.
Lois: I invested some money.
Gary: Invested some money in what?
Lois: In a company, in that man that you saw back at the bar. He has a company.
Gary: What Company?
Lois: [sighs] I dont know really, but it sounded really good on the phone.
Gary: On the phone?
Lois: Yeah. He called me the other day, out of the blue---
Gary: Hey, w-w-wait. Youre telling me you invested money on the phone with a guy you dont even know?
Gary: Well, how much did you invest/
Lois: Its not important.
Lois: [sighs] A lot. I mean, our nest egg. Everything your father and I saved, to buy that little cabin in the Smoky Mountains.
Gary: I dont believe this.
Lois: Well, if youre going to get critical, I dont know why I bothered to tell you in the first place.
[Gary looks at headline in paper: MECHANIC KILLED IN FREAK ACCIDENT.]
[Lois starts walking away while saying,]
Lois: Besides, Im gonna get it back. Thats why Im here.
[Gary hurries to catch up with Lois]
Gary: No, youre not gonna get it back. Mom, these guys, its not how they work. They dont give you the money back. Thats not the way they go.
[He stops Lois and turns her around.]
Gary: Come on.
Lois: Where are we going?
Gary: Just come on. This way.
[Camera shows sign TRYAD AUTOMOTIVE Parts and Service.]
[You can hear a man with a foreign accent yelling]
Automotive Man: Help! Somebody! A little help here! Anyone?
[Shows a man underneath a car in an automotive shop. The car is moving slowly downward. Gary and Lois walk in.]
Gary: You invested the whole nest egg?
Lois: Well More or less.
Gary: Well, which is it - - more or less?
Automotive Man: Hey, buddy, the lever. Any day now.
[Gary pushes the lever, which makes the car move slowly up instead of down.]
Automotive Man: There we go.
Gary to Lois: What did dad have to say?
Lois: You know, Gary, that is the funniest story---
Gary: You didnt tell Dad, did you?
Automotive Man: Come on, Im hanging here.
[Gary pulls lever to make car go down.]
Lois: Your fathers coming home from the R.V. Show on Monday. Ill have all the money back by then.
Gary: Mom, I was a broker. If you wanted to invest money, why didnt you call me?
Automotive Man: Helloo?
[Gary pushes lever to make the car stop.]
Lois: Your heart really wasnt in that, son.
Gary: What is that supposed to mean?
Lois: Well, if your true calling would have been a stockbroker, you would have been more successful at it.
Gary: I really dont believe this.
Lois: But your father and I are still very proud of you.
Gary: Youd rather invest money in a complete stranger then consult with your own son?
Automotive Man: Excuse me! I cant feel my feet anymore.
Gary: Oh, uh and reaches towards the lever.
Automotive Man: No! Dont touch anything else. Just, hand me those pliers.
[Gary hands the man the pliers from a table behind them.]
Man: Thank you. Carry on.
Gary: Ill tell you what were gonna do. Were gonna go to the police.
Lois: No, were not. Im handling this.
Gary: Look, this is a classic scam. The guy ripped you off, and were goin to the police. He walks away.
Lois: No, were not! Gary! Lois follows.
[Man uses pliers to cut fabric on his clothes, and falls down off car onto the floor. He says, strained:]
Automotive Man: Oh! Im all right. No worries!
[SCENE: Police station. Detective is sitting at his desk, Gary and Lois on the other side.]
Detective: So this guy calls you at your home, which is in Indiana, right?
Detective: And then, you wrote him a check on your local bank, which is in Indiana, right?
Detective: And then you file a complaint with your local police, in Indiana, right?
Lois: Not exactly?
Detective: Not exactly?
Lois: I told you the police wouldnt be any help.
Detective: Listen to your mother next time.
Gary: Yeah. Listen, the guy who took her money is right here in Chicago.
Gary: Show him the contract.
[Lois takes out a piece of paper and hands it to the detective, who looks at it and reads,]
Detective: Stanley Hollenbeck, Stability Investments. Hmm. Could be a boiler room scam. I guess I could poke around a little After I finish what Im workin on now.
Lois: And that would be
[Lois takes back the contract, stands up]
Lois: Th-this isnt any help.
[Gary stands up, too]
Gary: Well, uh, well be in touch. Thanks for your time.
[SCENE: Garys loft above McGintys. Lois and Gary are putting sheets and blankets on a pullout bed for Lois.]
Gary: Youre gonna have to tell Dad. Hes gonna find out.
Lois: Not if I get the money back first.
Gary: Look, youre not gonna get the money back. They guys a crook. Hes not gonna give you a dime, and Ill tell you what, the police, they could care less, but Dad - - well, at least hell understand.
Lois: Understand? That I lost $30,000?
Gary: Yes, hell understand that you lost 30 thousand - - He stops, looks at Lois, and says: $30,000?
Gary: You invested $30,000 with a complete stranger over the telephone?
Lois: Yeah. You still think your dads gonna understand?
Gary: No, hes not gonna - - I dont underst - - where did you - - I didnt know you *had* $30,000.
Lois: I am not a total nincompoop, Gary. Your mother has been investing for years. Mutual funds, municipal bonds, the occasional Blue-Chip stock. I would say my overall return has averaged somewhere over eighteen percent.
[Lois flashes a proud smile at the end.]
Gary: Youre kidding.
[Lois smiles firmly, in a proud told ya so kind of look.]
Gay: Youre not kidding. Okay, so then what happened?
Lois: I thought I was smart, but I was just smart enough to be taken by somebody like Stanley Hollenbeck.
[Lois walks into Garys kitchen.]
Gary: Stanley Hollenbeck. W-w-w-what did this - - whatd he cold-call you or somethin?
Lois: Yeah. Got my name over the Internet - - one of those programs I use.
Gary: You buy your stocks off the internet?
Lois: Oh yeah, why pay brokerage fees.?
[Lois pours a glass of milk.]
Lois: Stanley was very good over the phone. He told me all about his little start-up company, how he was gonna supply the industries. He sent me a prospectus. I read it cover to cover. It sounded like a sure thing, so I sent him a check.
Lois: And a month later, I couldnt find the stock listed anywhere, so I called Stanley up, and the number was disconnected, and there was no forwarding. Oh, Gary, I just got the chills, and then I got sick, and then I got mad.
Gary: I suppose thats when you started tracking him.
Lois nods and says: Took me about a month, but I got him on the phone.
Lois: And he told me hed meet me in this little bar that he likes, and thats where you found us.
Gary: Well, forgive me for saying so, but you didnt seem very angry with Stanley.
Lois: He was very slick, Gary. He had an excuse for everything. His building was flooded, and that screwed everything up. And, oh, NASDEQ lost a piece of paper, and thats why he wasnt listed.
Gary: Oh, Mom.
Lois: I didnt say I believed him, but I had to play along. He told me I could have my money back if thats what I wanted in the very end.
Gary: Hes not gonna give you your money back! Hes a crook!
Lois: I know that, Gary.
Gary: So now what are you gonna do?
Lois: I dont know, but Ill think of something.
[She walks by the couch, takes out things from her suitcase]
Lois: Dont worry about your mother, Gary. I got myself into this mess, and Ill get myself out.
Gary: [in a careless way] Yeah, thats great. Now listen--
Lois: I dont want to talk about it anymore.
[She cuts him off.]
Lois: Im going to take a bath.
[She closes bathroom door. Gary whistles, throws his hand around in an exasperated kind of way.]
[SCENE: Camera showing over-night, fast-motion shot of McGintys. Gary in his bed, sleeping. The alarm clock wakes him up.]
Voice over alarm clock radio: Good morning, Chicago. Its time to get up, you sleepyheads. Its a beautiful day in Ch--
[Gary turns the alarm off with a groan, and turns over to go back to sleep. He turns back to face his alarm clock, and finds a note taped on it. He takes it off and reads aloud, with squinted eyes]
Gary: Gary, left early. Im handling things. Talk to you later. Mom.
[Cat meows, newspaper thumps]
[Gary sets down note, gets up to get the paper. While hes walking to the door, he looks at his moms bed, which is made neatly, and then he stubs his toe, and limps the rest of the way to the door. He opens the door, Cat meows and walks in. Gary picks up the paper, closes door, and reads aloud the front-page headline.]
Gary: INDIANA WOMAN SHOOTS CONMAN. The name of the shooter is being withheld by authorities. Mom?
CONTINUE TO PART 2
Many thanks to Brandi for sharing her fanscription of "Nest Egg" Thank you!
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