409 "Weathergirl"
(Original Air Date: November 20, 1999)


Notes from behind the scenes: Filming for this episode occurred at the local PBS station, WTTW, in Chicago. This station doubled for WBBM, the actual CBS station. EE wanted to shoot at WTTW because of the modern appearance and huge soundstage where filming could take place in a hassle free environment.


[~ In Gary's Loft, Morning, Gary watching TV and reading paper ~]

ANCHORMAN ROGER
How 'bout you? Are you ready for Y2K? In the next half-hour, we'll go shopping for a home generator with Trouble-Shooter Stevie Garcia and look at some basic first-aid procedures, but first here's our own Rebecca Waters with today's Accu-Forecast. Rebecca?

REBECCA
Thanks, Roger. Good news for those heading out to today's Art Fest in Grant Park. The sun is going to make an appearance around 10 o'clock this morning and stay with us all day, so you can expect some unseasonably warm temperatures this afternoon...

GARY
Wrong,...

REBECCA
...with sunshine and highs reaching into the mid 60's...

GARY
...wrong,...

REBECCA
...so don't put away that sunscreen just yet. Take the afternoon off and pretend it's the last day of summer. So pop the top on that convertible and have fun.

GARY
...and wrong.

ANCHORWOMAN
Thanks, Rebecca.

REBECCA
Back at 12:00 with the noon forecast.

[~ McGinty's, Morning ~]

GARY
Morning.

MARISSA
You're out early.

GARY
I've got to get over to WBBM.

MARISSA
Channel 2?

GARY
Yeah, there's a problem with the newscast.

MARISSA
A problem with the newscast?

GARY
It's a technical thing. The weather girl keeps getting it wrong.

MARISSA
You're rushing out to help a weather girl?

GARY
Yeah, well, it's important that the weather be accurate. People depend on the weather.

MARISSA
Uh-huh. Um, Gary, this weather girl -- what does she look like?

GARY
What do you mean?

MARISSA
Is she attractive?

GARY
Well, I don't know. I hadn't noticed. [ off Marissa's look ] It's a very subjective question, that. What's attractive to one person may not be attractive to another person.

MARISSA
Bye, Gary. You have a good day.

GARY
You, too.

[ Gary and Rebecca discussing the weather ][~ outside of WBBM offices ~]

GARY
Excuse me. Miss Waters?

REBECCA
Yes?

GARY
Hello. Uh, I'm Gary Hobson. I watch you -- your program, the one about the weather.

REBECCA
It's called the news.

GARY
Yeah, that's the one. I just, uh, I thought that I might be able to help you out.

[ Gary and Rebecca discussing the weather ]REBECCA
Help me out?

GARY
Yes, with the forecast.

REBECCA
Oh. Well, I didn't know I needed help, but thanks.

GARY
Oh, no, you're good. You're very good. Very easy to watch. Very natural. It's just that, uh, you're wrong.

REBECCA
Excuse me?

GARY
[ Gary and Rebecca discussing the weather ]
Well, you see, you said today was going to be sunny and warm, but in all actuality, it's going to rain, and I thought that I just might -- you might want to tell your viewers.

REBECCA
I don't believe this. Why does everyone think they know how to do my job better than I do? You know, you get a few forecasts wrong -- believe it or not, I have a degree in meteorology. That's a postgraduate degree -- 3-year program. Just 'cause you see me on TV, don't mistake me for that woman that turns the letters on "Wheel of Fortune." [ Rebecca turns towards car, then turns back ] I'm sorry. That was very thoughtful of you, um...

GARY
Gary.

REBECCA
Uh-huh. Thank you for your help. It's just that this is what we call an inversion layer. It'll burn off by 10:00. It's burning off already. Sunny, highs in the 60s, No rain.

[ No rain? Gary walks off, opening umbrella moments before cloudburst spews rain down ]GARY
No rain?

REBECCA
It's always nice to meet a fan. I have to go.

[ Rebecca turns back to her car, Gary turns to walk away, opening up his umbrella just as a thundercloud bursts, pouring rain down on a bewildered Rebecca. ]

 

[ Cue opening theme and commercials ]

 

[~ Gary's Loft, Morning, Gary reading paper, watching TV, scooping cat food into a bowl ~]

 

REBECCA
We can expect a few showers this morning, but they'll taper off by noon. The low-pressure area should stay with us all day, keeping the temperatures down in the low 40s.

GARY
[ to TV ] Morning.

REBECCA
No real wind to speak of, but expect some light rain tonight. Currently, the temperatures across the Chicagoland area...

CAT
Meow

GARY
In a second.

REBECCA
...remaining lower than usual. Very cold air moving in behind this slow-moving frontal system. It's going to be chilly, folks, chilly and wet...

GARY
So cute, yet so wrong.

REBECCA
... but thankfully, no wind. That's your morning forecast. I'll see you at noon.

ANCHORMAN
Well, rain. Looks like I might need to break out the galoshes.

ANCHORWOMAN
And you know what? I think we're the only two persons who actually wear galoshes.

CAT
Meow

GARY
Yeah, all right.

ANCHORMAN
Hey, when I find something that works, I stick with it. I'm still waiting for wallabies to come back in style.

ANCHORWOMAN
Alright, don't hold your breath there. Ok? Speaking of style, we've got our fashion segment coming up today...

[ Gary turns to paper, sees headline: MAN DIES IN FUNERAL HOME ]

[~ McGinty's kitchen ~]

MARISSA
Uncle Phil?

GARY
That's right. Phil Kazakian - Chuck's uncle. He had the hot dog stand.

MARISSA
The one you could smell two blocks away.

GARY
Exactly. Apparently, he's going to suffocate in a coffin.

MARISSA
What?

GARY
That's what it says. They find him in a funeral home.

MARISSA
So he's dead?

GARY
Well, no, not yet.

MARISSA
I'm confused.

GARY
Well, I -- look, I don't write the news. I --

[ Gary heads out to find Phil ]

[~ Funeral Home, funeral in progress ~]

MAN
Harold was a quiet man. We were friends for 30 years, and I never heard him raise his voice...

GRIEVING WOMAN
Poor Harold. So sad.

PHIL
Devastating.

GRIEVING MAN
He liked people all right, but he loved animals...

GRIEVING WOMAN
Did you know him well?

PHIL
Never met the man.

GRIEVING MAN
And every year, he'd give $100 to the zoo...

[~ Business section of funeral parlor ~]

PHIL
[ knocks on door ] Hello? Anyone there? You got a buyer out front. [ Phil looks around at the caskets on his own. ]

[~ In front of funeral home. Pallbearers are bringing out a coffin. ~]

GARY
Excuse me, i-is that Phil Kazakian?

GRIEVING MAN
Harold Dunlop.

GARY
Thanks.

[~ Business section of funeral parlor ~]

GARY
Phil? Phi--

[ Gary looks around, sees Phil's coat and hat on top of a coffin ]

GARY
Phil.

[ Gary looks inside to see Phil laying there as if dead. ]

GARY
Phil. [ no response ] Phil.

PHIL
[ opening eyes ] Is this heaven?

[~ Outside, Gary and Phil walking. ~]

GARY
But, Phil, what were you doing in the coffin? I mean, what's going on?

PHIL
Look, you want know what's going on? I'll tell you what's going on. I'm going to die. There, now are you satisfied?

GARY
Phil, I'm sorry. I mean, I didn't know that you were sick.

PHIL
Sick? Did I tell you I was sick? I just said I'm going to die, and I will someday.

GARY
But you just said that --

PHIL
I'm irrelevant. That's what I am. Here, look at that. [ Points out a hot dog cart ]

GARY
Looks like your old hot dog cart.

PHIL
The Good Time Frankfurter Company -- they've relieved me of my duties and my cart, but I don't blame them. The knees are going and the back is going. It's a young man's game, that's what it is. Look. He forgot the napkin. He's a good kid, but he's not the go-getter that I was when I was his age. He skimps on the condiments. Well... what are you going to do?

GARY
Well, Phil, maybe you should just try enjoying retirement.

PHIL
"Retirement" is an ugly word. I've been working since I was 9 years old. I always brought home a paycheck and I always had something to contribute.

GARY
Well, maybe you should think about taking up a hobby.

PHIL
I got a hobby. I go to funerals.

[~ Gary on phone near Planetarium. Marissa on phone at McGinty's ~]

MARISSA
Gary, I don't understand. Where are you?

GARY
Well, I'm at the planetarium to stop some kid from skateboarding into the lake.

MARISSA
Perfect. What am I supposed to do with Phil?

GARY
Phil needs a job. Put him to work behind the bar.

MARISSA
Okay.

GARY
You're a sweetheart, Marissa. I'll get back as soon as I can. I got to go.

[Gary hangs up phone, rushes to find the skateboarder]

GARY
Matthew Reilly! Matthew, look out! Slow down!

GIRL
Hey, watch it!

GARY
[Tackling Matthew, stopping him from falling into lake, but skateboard goes over ] Uhh! I got you. You all right? You all right?

MATTHEW
Dude, that was my best board.

GARY
It -- You were about to go in the lake.

MATTHEW
Whatever.

GARY
"Whatever"?

[~ McGinty's ~]

MARISSA
Phil?

PHIL
Miss Clark, over here.

MARISSA
Oh. Congratulations. You're hired.

PHIL
I'm hired? Wow! I'm hired! I'm hired! I'm hired, I'm hired, Oh, I'm hired, I'm hired, I'm hired Ha ha ha. Thank you, miss Clark.

[~ Outside near Planetarium ~]

REBECCA
Gary! Gary? Gary.

GARY
Hello, Miss Waters.

REBECCA
Rebecca.

GARY
Oh. Hi.

REBECCA
So what are you doing here? Are you following me?

GARY
No, no, no. I was --

REBECCA
Just kidding.

GARY
Oh. Well, you're not following me, are you?

REBECCA
No. No, I give lectures here at the planetarium to junior high school kids. You know, ozone layers and atmosphere on the moon and boring stuff that you probably don't care about.

GARY
No, no, I --

REBECCA
What I would really like to know is, was it a lucky guess or what?

GARY
How's that?

REBECCA
Yesterday, when you predicted the rain.

GARY
Oh. No, it wasn't a lucky guess.

REBECCA
Really? So how do you do it? What's your trick? Come on. It's okay. Your secret's safe with me.

GARY
Actually, it was my collarbone.

REBECCA
You're joking.

GARY
No, no, it was -- well, it's an old football injury. I broke it, and it didn't get a chance to heal, and ever since, it's been able to tell me the weather.

REBECCA
Was I right this morning? Come on, don't be shy.

GARY
Well, uh, no. You said there was going to be no wind today, but actually there are going to be gusts coming in off the lake.

REBECCA
Really? I checked the satellite, like, three times, and -- this is so ridiculous. I can't even believe I'm having this conversation right now. [ wind blows Rebecca's scarf off ]

GARY
Your scarf! [ Gary runs to retrieve it ]

REBECCA
Gusts of wind blowing off the lake. That's amazing.

GARY
What?

REBECCA
Amazing. Oh, my god. I have to go -- 12:00 news. Nice to see you again.

GARY
Oh, yeah. [ Rebecca rushes off without scarf ] Hey, you forgot your scarf!

[cue commercial]

[~ McGinty's ~]

PHIL
[delivering a plate of food] Enjoy.

GARY
[ to Marissa ] Hey, what's going on? What happened to the lunch rush?

MARISSA
What happened? I'll tell you what happened. Uncle Phil happened.

GARY
Why? What did he do?

PHIL
[ puts coins in jukebox and sings along ] Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play?...

MARISSA
The score to "Fiddler." Twice.

PHIL
... I don't remember growing older. When did they?...

MARISSA
He cleared the whole bar in less than five minutes.

PHIL
...when did she get to be a beauty? When did he get to be so tall?

[~ Outside of hospital. Gary and Phil walking. ~]

PHIL
I don't understand. I thought everything was going so well at McGinty's.

GARY
Oh, no, it is. You did a great job. It's just that I saw this ad in the paper. They needed some extra help at the hospital here. I really think this is your kind of job.

PHIL
Hospital? What am I, a doctor?

GARY
No, no. Candy striper. It's someone who helps out with the patients -- entertains, cheers them up.

PHIL
A greeter, like in the Catskills.

GARY
Exactly.

PHIL
I can do that. [ Practicing ] Hello, Mr. Grossman. Nice to see you. Good luck on your transplant. Here's a nice song to see you on your way.

GARY
Exactly. You're going to be really good, Phil.

PHIL
Are you coming inside?

GARY
No, no, I won't be able to make it inside. I've got somewhere that I've got to go. But I know you're going to do a great job.

PHIL
You're right. I got a good feeling about this job. Thank you, Gary. You're a true mensch. Don't worry.

GARY
Good luck.

PHIL
Thank you.

[~ WBBM offices ~]

RECEPTIONIST GEORGIA
[on phone] Yeah, Gary Hobson. Said he had your scarf. [to Gary] She's just about to go on the air, but she said you could watch from the floor. Just around the corner. Stay behind the green line.

[~ studio area ~]

REBECCA
[doing sound check] Horrible, but, uh... um... Yeah, that's better.

MAN
Okay.

WOMAN
Could someone take this down?

MAN
And we're back In 5...4...3...2...

ANCHORMAN HAL
Welcome back. It's 12:15. International news is coming up, but first here's our own Rebecca Waters with the weather. How's it look, Rebecca?

[ setting up the snow scene ]REBECCA
Hal, it's shaping up to be a fine afternoon. This cloud layer that's been with us all morning should burn off in the next hour or so... [sees Gary gesturing to help her with the forecast] Or not. In fact, there's a good chance that it will just stay right where it is, the cloud cover, and temperatures this afternoon will hit highs in the 50s. I mean the 40s. Actually, the 30s? 31 degrees. That's right. Highs today will be exactly 31 degrees... but wait, there's more. There's an excellent chance of... Snow? Snow! Chicago will get its first snowfall of the season today, in the next 10 minutes. That's right, you heard it here first -- snow today in the next 10 minutes. And that's your Accu-Forecast. Back to you, Hal.

[ Hal and Cynthia are stunned silent ]

MAN IN BOOTH
Dead air, guys. Hal, say something.

ANCHORMAN HAL
Well, uh, thank you, Rebecca, for that, um, bizarre yet strangely compelling forecast. Cynthia.

ANCHORWOMAN CYNTHIA
Yes, well, um, that's our weather... it's always interesting, certainly. Now we need to get to our next story. Turning to the world of high finance...

 

[~ outer offices of WBBM ~]

RECEPTIONIST GEORGIA
Snow? In the next 10 minutes? What's that?

REBECCA
Georgia, That's the weather.

[~ outside of WBBM offices ~]

REBECCA
Hey! What are you doing?

GARY
Huh? Oh, uh, well, it was a little crowded in there. I thought I was in the way, so I-I --

REBECCA
Um, how sure are you about that forecast?

GARY
Oh, pretty sure. [ starts snowing ] See?

REBECCA
Look at that! Snow!

GARY
What did I tell you? The collarbone's never wrong.

REBECCA
Stay right there. Don't go anywhere. [ runs back into offices to gloat ] Georgia... Snow. [ returns to Gary ]

GARY
Oh. Uh... I-I brought you your scarf back.

REBECCA
You're incredible.

[ Snow scene using "fake" snow. Moments before Gary and Rebecca's kiss ]GARY
Well, it's a nice scarf. Anyone would have. Except, my cat --

REBECCA
No, forget the scarf. I'm talking about you.

GARY
Me?

REBECCA
You're, like, The most amazing guy I've ever met.

GARY
Well, I'm -- I just -- it's --

[ Rebecca kisses Gary ]

GARY
Wow.

REBECCA
Exactly.

GARY
Uh...uh...[sees headline: EXPLOSION AT CHICAGO MEMORIAL HOSPITAL: THREE KILLED]

REBECCA
What?

GARY
I've got to go.

REBECCA
Right now?

GARY
I'm afraid so.

REBECCA
Will you call me?

GARY
Oh, definitely, absolutely, I will call you.

REBECCA
Yeah, well, take care of that collarbone.

GARY
Yeah. [ Gary rushes off ] Uncle Phil, if you're not dead already, I'm going to kill you.

[cue commercial]

CONTINUE TO PART 2


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