Subject: EE Anonymous

Kyle Chandler-Anonymous Twelve Step Program:

STEP ONE: Admit you have an addiction- to Kyle Chandler and his paper.

STEP TWO: Handle one headline at a time.

STEP THREE: Understand that Gary is, no matter how real he may seem, is a fictional character, and therefore cannot have a group of fans donning bows under his Christmas Tree. (That does leave Kyle's Christmas tree wide open, though.)

STEP FOUR: Avoid buying masses of cat food in hopes that Cat will suddenly find your apartment and decide to bring Gary along. (However, please *do* buy cat food for the Cat Food Campaign!)

STEP FIVE: Rush out and buy every movie you can find that stars Kyle and his oh-so-cute stutter.

STEP SIX: Cut out a picture of Gary and take it to Kinkos to color photo copy it and tape it to all often-viewed surfaces. (i.e mirrors, computer monitors, binders and notebooks)

STEP SEVEN: Have a bucket handy every time Early Edition airs, and make sure it's nice and empty, and another one is standing by.

STEP EIGHT: Watch Kyle's new show, no matter how shallow, just to see his puppy-dog eyes.

STEP NINE: Choosing to abstain from naming a pet because Gary never named his is unacceptable. (However, feel free to name it Gary, Kyle or variations.)

STEP TEN: Refrain from taking a detour to Chicago to find out if you can make your way into Gary's Paper. (But feel free to scan the telephone listings for McGinty's Bar.)

STEP ELEVEN: Record the song "Angel" repeatedly on a cassette tape, grab a box of hankies, and curl up on a rainy day for a good cry.

STEP TWELVE: Always remember that if you're Gary's woman, and suddenly he has to rush off to do something, it's usually pretty important.

*~*~*~*

Early Edition-Annonymus Twelve Step Program:

As Early Edition Addicts, we...

~Admitted we were obsessing over Early Edition - that our lives had become taken over by our love for Early Edition.~

~Came to believe that a new season of Early Edition episodes could restore us to some form of sanity, and therefore bought as much cat food as would fit into our budget and mailed it off to Mr. Tom Halleen.~

~Made a decision to watch as much Early Edition as we could.~

~Learned to check the date of every newspaper we found, just to assure us that it is today's.~

~Were ready to admit to the world that we loved Early Edition, and thus printed posters and bought ads to support it.~

~Decided it time to join a community of Early Edition lovers, and thus found EarlyDues' board.~

~Were willing to chain ourselves to Tom Halleen's desk in exchange for 22 new episodes.~

~Try to resist the urge to yell, "You're welcome!" sarcastically at every person we help.~

~Realize that Crumb and McGinty's are more than words, and 6:30am is more than a time!~

~Turn our heads every time a cat meow's, looking for an issue of the Chicago Sun-Times nearby.~

~Start screaming like a banchee if the cat is orange and there is a paper underneath it's paws.~

~Enjoy our obsessed lives in which we can feel free to speak about Early Edition, and have come to accept the weird looks we will always get from family and friends.~

Disclaimer- no offense is meant to anyone who takes any.

Sara Beth
*Purple Princess*
TBAA Mental Patient Number 11385
Her Royal Highness, Princess Sara Beth, of the Court of John Dye
Keeper of John's Ruby Red glasses from Stealing Hope, his plumbing shirt from The Invitation, and his Christmas Tree Scene with Tess in The Violin Lesson