Camera Shy

405 "Camera Shy"
(Original Air Date: October 23, 1999)

Written by Eric Tuchman; Directed by Reza Badiyi; (as "fanscribed" by Heather)

{Cars speeding by}

{Gary's walking in an alley looking at the paper: Pickle injures three}

GARY:
Pickle.

{Miguel talking with Leo on the phone}

MIGUEL:
A pickle factory? I'm a news photographer, Leo. I cover fires, murder, disaster. I do not do fruit.

LEO:
Vegetables, Miguel. Pickles are cucumbers.

MIGUEL:
I don't care what they are. They're boring.

LEO:
That new factory is going to revitalize the neighborhood. It's news.

MIGUEL:
Leo.

LEO:
You're lucky you even got any assignment from me.

MIGUEL:
Why? What'd I do?

LEO:
You threw a stapler at Hollandsworth.

MIGUEL:
Hollandsworth's an idiot.

LEO:
He's also managing editor. They wanted to fire you.

MIGUEL:
But they can't 'cause I'm the best shooter they got. I work harder. I take more risks.

LEO:
You also complain more, and you tick people off. Do yourself a favor, Miguel. Get the pickle shot.

{At the pickle factory}

{theme song from "2001: A Space Odyssey" plays}

PICKLE GUY:
Chipico pickles, folks. Let's praise the day!

{Everyone claps}

PICKLE GUY:
What's rising above our heads right here is more than just a pickle, ladies and gentlemen, far more. What you are seeing is a dream rising. That's right. A dream. It starts with pickles, but who knows where it'll end?

{Miguel gets a ladder to get better photos}

PICKLE GUY:
Because pickles are just the beginning. We're going to start seeing new investment, new businesses moving into the neighborhood. So go ahead -- take a bite out of progress. You got your sours, your half-sours, your garlic dills, your sweet pickles.

{Gary comes in the factory}

GARY:
Hey! The, the pickle! Watch the pickle. Everybody get out of the way!

MIGUEL:
Hobson?

AUDIENCE MEMBERS:

Ooh, ooh! aah!

{Gary pushes the guy giving the speech out of the way as the pickle swings down and the hit Miguel's ladder who falls in the pickle vat}

PICKLE GROUP LEADER:
Thanks, son. You saved my life.

GARY:
Yeah, well, I'm just glad that nobody was... hurt.

MIGUEL:
Hobson!

*~*~*~*~*

{Opening}
{Theme song plays through}
{Newspaper passing over a nighttime scene of buildings with lights on with 'what if you knew?' passing in the background}
{Gary talking to Erica)

GARY:
I get tomorrow's newspaper

{Gary opens his door to find the cat on the newspaper}

GARY:
... today.

{Title screen with Gary running up a set of stairs}

GARY:
I'm out there saving people's lives.

{Gary runs in front of a truck and carries the girl, about to get hit, to safety}

GARY:
That's what I do, you see.

{Clips of Gary 'Kyle Chandler'}
{Clock zooming and Gary looking up with a scared look on his face}
{Gary jumps out of a building onto a truck}
{Gary riding a motorcycle}
{Gary runs out in front of a bus and stops it}
{Gary slides on an ice rink and grabs on to the ice clearer}
{Gary on a horse about to carry a woman to safety}
{Gary running around a corner}
{Gary turning around with a smile in a room with a lot of people}
{Clips of Marissa 'Shanésia Williams'}
{Newspaper: 3 youths killed in arson fire}
{3/4 of the screen has a clip of Gary in the fire}
{Transparent clock zooming on half the screen and Gary sitting on the window sill reading the paper with the cat}
{Newspaper passes over again and a picture of Gary with his coat on}
{The El zooming by front of McGinty's}

*~*~*~*~*

{In McGinty's}

MARISSA:
He fell?

GARY:
Right into the pickle vat. Splat!

PATRICK:
Oh, I hate when that happens. Yeah, brine it's bad for the complexion. I was working with my mom last year. We were making this big vat--. I'm going.

MARISSA:
So, what did you do?

GARY:
What could I do? Diaz recognized me.

MARISSA:
He knows you?

GARY:
Miguel Diaz... the guy from the Sun-Times. He shot me saving those ducks a couple weeks ago, and then he saw me get my parents out of that hostage situation. He thinks I'm a, a nut.

MARISSA:
Well, this doesn't help.

GARY:
The last thing I need is some guy from the Sun-Times chasing me around.

{Gary and Marissa take a drink at the same time}

{In the Sun-Times building}

LEO:
I send you out on a simple assignment. Not only do you miss the pickle shot, you become the pickle shot. And, to make matters worse, I got to buy that shot from the wire services so we can run it tomorrow.

MIGUEL:
You're running the picture?

LEO:
It's one for the scrapbooks, Miguel.

MIGUEL:
Let me see.

LEO:
Instant classic.

MIGUEL:
Come on, Leo.

LEO:
This is the last straw, Miguel. I can't cover for you anymore.

MIGUEL:
It's not my fault. This guy Hobson...

LEO:
Hobson's not the problem.

MIGUEL:
Yes he is. There's something strange about this guy. I'm telling you. There's a story.

LEO:
You're missing the story.

MIGUEL:
I'm not. We gotta investigate.

LEO:
You want to know the story, Miguel? The story is you're fired.

MIGUEL:
Leo.

LEO:
Out of my hands.

MIGUEL:
Leo, come on, man. You can't do this. I'm the best you got. Besides, I owe six months' rent. Actually, I owe my girlfriend six months' rent.

LEO:
Listen to me.

MIGUEL:
Those mutual funds... the new technology thing... they went south in a big way. I owe money all over town. You gotta give me a second shot here.

LEO:
I did.

MIGUEL:
Leo.

LEO:
Sorry, kid, but you're out.

{Cars zooming, the time going from night to day}

{In McGinty's}

{Gary's whistling}

GARY:
Hey, Patrick.

PATRICK:
Good morning, Mr. Hobson.

GARY:
Hey, did you get a haircut or something?

PATRICK:
Uh, yeah. Well, three weeks ago.

GARY:
Well, you look good.

PATRICK:
Thanks, Mr. H. I feel good.

{Laughing}

GARY:
Morning, Marissa.

MARISSA:
Morning. What are you so chipper about?

GARY:
Oh, well, I'm not in the paper today. It looks like Diaz didn't do a follow-up.

MARISSA:
Well, good. Now you can relax.

GARY:
Not yet.

MARISSA:
What now?

GARY:
An accidental electrocution.

{Reading the paper: Boy electrocuted at museum. We see what happened in black and white}

{People lined up}

GARY:
5-year-old Oliver Davis was electrocuted yesterday at the Chicago National Museum when he put a key in an open electrical outlet.

{Oliver is kneeing over electrical cords as he puts the key in and there is a big flash)

{The paper shows up again}

GARY:
Well, I got to run.

MARISSA:
Good luck.

{At the museum, Miguel is taking pictures of two kids}

MIGUEL:
Okay, boys. Let's see two happy faces now. Come on, boys, come on. Nice and easy. Now smile. See? We got this hat over here. Right? This is good. What about this? Okay, come on, smile.

BOY IN LINE:
How much longer?

{The kids start acting up and hitting each other}

MIGUEL:
Good. Good. All right, you two. Settle down. No hitting. Stop. Hey, hey, hey!

{Mr. Murray Leaves a woman he was talking to and goes over to Miguel}

MR MURRAY:
Excuse me. Hey, Diaz? What's the trouble here?

MIGUEL:
Uh, no trouble. No trouble, Mr. Murray. We're having a great time. The kids are just lively.

MR MURRAY:
You said you were good with kids.

MIGUEL:
I am, I am. I'm great with kids. I'm like Mr. Rogers with an accent and earrings.

MR MURRAY:
This is a museum, Diaz, not a carnival. Just take the pictures and keep it moving, okay?

MIGUEL:
Right, Mr. Murray. Keep it moving. You got it.

{Miguel goes back to dealing with the kids}

MIGUEL:
Okay, you two, say, "Reform School." Very good. Come on. Let's go. Let's go, fellas. Come on.

THE TWINS:
Whee!

MIGUEL:
Who's next? Come on.

{Brings over the next kid}

MIGUEL:
There we go. Okay, who do we got here?

WALTER'S MOTHER:
This is Walter. He's a little afraid.

MIGUEL:
Walter, hi. Nothing to be scared of. Walter, here's your binoculars. You can put that hat on there. All right, okay. Let's go. You like monkeys, Walter?

WALTER'S MOTHER:
Oh, he's afraid of monkeys and bells.

MIGUEL:
And bells. Okay, afraid of monkeys and bells. Okay, let's try a few shots here.

WALTER'S MOTHER:
Oh, he's afraid of cameras.

MIGUEL:
He's afraid of cameras? So, naturally, you bring him to a photographer. Walter, the camera can't hurt you, okay? She's a sweetheart.

{Makes the camera seem like it's hugging him}

MIGUEL:
Look at that. She's a sweetheart. She loves people. Look at this.

{He takes some pictures randomly}

MIGUEL:
She loves people. See? She loves people. Stop, stop. See? She can't get enough. Look. This is how she makes all her friends. See? That's it. Hey, look at that. That's beautiful, that's beautiful.

{Gary comes to stop the kid from electrocuting himself}

GARY:
Don't touch that!

MIGUEL:
That's it.

GARY:
Hey!

KID WITH THE KEY:
Mommy, mommy! Put me down!

KID WITH KEY'S MOTHER:
Hey!

MIGUEL:
Oh, Walter, no. Come on, please.

{The mother comes to Gary and yells at him}

KID WITH KEY'S MOTHER:
Get your hands off of my child. Did the bad man scare you, baby? What kind of person are you?

GARY:
W-well, see, he...

MIGUEL:
Hobson?

GARY:
Diaz.

MIGUEL:
What are you doing, man?

GARY:
He was gonna... key in the...

MIGUEL:
Know how long it took me to get this kid to smile? You come along and screw everything up. Look, Walter, it's going to be okay. It's a T-Rex. Aah!

{Miguel ends up scaring Walter}

WALTER'S MOTHER:
You shouldn't be allowed around children. Come on, baby.

MR MURRAY:
What is going on here? You're through.

{to woman}

MR MURRAY:
I'm terribly sorry...

MIGUEL:
Hobson!

{A guy picks up Miguel's business card}

GARY:
Look, don't start with me.

MIGUEL:
Are, are you out to get me, man? What's the matter with you? You crazy?

GARY:
What are you talking about?

MIGUEL:
Always showing up at places you're not supposed to be. You're costing me my career. What are you doing, man?

GARY:
It's always about you, isn't it?

{At a boxing place}

A COACH:
Now get 'em up, get 'em up, get 'em up! That's it, move!

GUY AT BOXING PLACE:
Victor.

{On the phone}

VICTOR:
Yeah?

BRYCE:
How fast can you get across town?

VICTOR:
Hey, I'm on my way.

BRYCE:
You know the place.

VICTOR:
Yeah, okay. Thanks.

{In McGinty's}

MARISSA:
You got him fired?

GARY:
Kind of.

MARISSA:
Again?

GARY:
I was trying to stop a kid from getting electrocuted. He wouldn't listen.

MARISSA:
I don't blame him.

GARY:
The guy took a swing at me.

MARISSA:
Gary, you got the guy fired from his job twice.

GARY:
Would you stop saying that? What was I supposed to do?

MARISSA:
Well, you have to make it up to him somehow. Hire him for something.

GARY:
What am I going to do with a photographer?

MARISSA:
You could have him take some pictures of Chicago. We could hang a few up at the bar. I mean...

GARY:
I'm not going to hire him. He's a very violent person, for one thing. Besides...

{The paper says 'Photographer hospitalized after assault'}

MARISSA:
What?

GARY:
I think I found a different way to make it up to him.

MARISSA:
How's that?

GARY:
By saving his neck.

{Gary is at Miguel's girlfriend's hotel room. He looks at the paper again while he waits for someone to answer the door}

{Miguel's girlfriend looks at who's outside of her room}

LAURA:
I'm not buying, donating, or in need of spiritual guidance.

GARY:
I'm looking for Miguel Diaz.

LAURA:
Well, keep looking.

GARY:
What?

LAURA:
He doesn't live here anymore.

GARY:
You sure?

LAURA:
Yeah, I'm sure. I just kicked the lousy freeloader out.

GARY:
Well, listen, do you have any idea where he is?

LAURA:
Look, I don't know. I don't care. Goodbye.

GARY:
Wait a second. I've got something very important to tell him.

LAURA:
Oh, important. Okay, important. How important? You're from a credit agency, and he owes more money?

GARY:
No.

LAURA:
No, not that important. Okay, how about important like you represent somebody that he photographed, and they want to sue him?

GARY:
Does that happen?

LAURA:
All the time. Who are you?

GARY:
You might say that I'm a friend of his. My name's Gary Hobson.

{She opens the door}

LAURA:
You're Gary Hobson? You really exist?

GARY:
Uh-huh.

LAURA:
I thought you were another one of Miguel's cockamamie stories... no, I should say excuses. He said you were the reason he got fired from the Sun-Times and the museum.

GARY:
Oh well, you could say I was partially responsible for that.

LAURA:
Wow.

GARY:
What?

LAURA:
He just... he told the truth for a change.

GARY:
Do you have any idea where he is? I have something very important to tell him.

LAURA:
I just dumped the guy, so that kind of puts the kibosh on the whole keeping-tabs sort of thing.

GARY:
No idea?

LAURA:
His studio. Check his studio because that's where he sinks most of his money. Otherwise, he's flat broke.

{'Royal Pawn Shop Gold & Jewelry buyers immediate cash'}

{Miguel is at a pawn shop deciding whether or not to pawn his cameras}

LOUIE:
Any time now.

MIGUEL:
Give me a second.

LOUIE:
Look, you want to hock or not?

MIGUEL:
Okay. how much?

LOUIE:
{humming}

LOUIE:
$300 for the whole shebang.

MIGUEL:
$300?

LOUIE:
They're old.

MIGUEL:
They're not old. They're seasoned. Look at them. They're classics.

LOUIE:
Sam Cooke Records, the Four Tops... those are classics. These...

{Miguel points to spots on the cameras where something happened and describes it}

MIGUEL:
These cameras have been all over the world. Berlin, '89... dropped them climbing over the wall. Jerusalem, '91... scud missile attack.

LOUIE:
You got a point. Lot of nicks and cracks. Make it $200.

MIGUEL:
Come on, Louie. You're killing me here.

LOUIE:
What can I say, kid? I call them like I see them.

MIGUEL:
Man... You can't sell for 30 days, right?

LOUIE:
Took an oath.

MIGUEL:
'Cause I'll be back way before then to claim them.

LOUIE:
They'll be here.

MIGUEL:
Take them.

{Louie give him $200}

{Miguel parks his car next to the sidewalk, gets out and crosses the road where a guy, Victor, stops him}

VICTOR:
Hey, buddy.

MIGUEL:
Hey.

VICTOR:
Whoa, whoa, slow down. I want to talk to you.

MIGUEL:
I don't want to hear some rap right now alright?

VICTOR:
No no no. No rap ok? Just a quick transaction.

MIGUEL:
I already got a Rolex... genuine Chinese.

VICTOR:
All I want is that film...

MIGUEL:
What film?

VICTOR:
Those pictures you took.

MIGUEL:
You want reprints, call the Sun-Times.

VICTOR:
Not from the paper... from the museum this morning.

MIGUEL:
The museum?

VICTOR:
Yeah.

MIGUEL:
No way. Let me guess. Yours are the twins, right? You ought to keep those boys on a leash or in straitjackets or something.

VICTOR:
What are you talking about? C'mon c'mon. Just give me the film.

MIGUEL:
I don't have it.

{The guy jabs Miguel}

VICTOR:
Give me the film.

{Miguel jabs the guy right back}

MIGUEL:
Hey, what's the big deal? You got your money back, didn't you?

{The guy pushes Miguel into a newspaper box then the guy pulls out a knife to Miguel's throat}

MIGUEL:
What are you crazy? Okay, take it easy. I'm sure we can work this out.

VICTOR:
Good, let's go.

MIGUEL:
Relax, man. Put that knife away, okay?

{Gary pulls up on the sidewalk with the McGinty's van}

GARY:
Come on. Get in!

{Victor reads the back of the van}

VICTOR:
McGinty's.

{In the van}

MIGUEL:
Crazy guy... knife somebody over some kiddie pictures. Look at that. He cut me.

GARY:
You bleeding?

MIGUEL:
No, just the shirt. Good thing, or else I'll have to go back there and kick his butt.

GARY:
Yeah, right.

{Miguel looks at him}

GARY:
I believe you. What did the guy say he wanted, though?

MIGUEL:
The mug shots of his kids I took at the museum.

GARY:
He pulled a knife for that?

MIGUEL:
One of those obsessive parents, I guess. Thanks, man.

GARY:
Yeah, now we're even.

MIGUEL:
Not quite, but how is it that you happened to show up, anyway? You always manage to stick your nose in other people's business, don't you?

GARY:
I came to offer you a job.

MIGUEL:
What?

GARY:
To hire you for something.

MIGUEL:
I can't hear you, man.

GARY:
Do you want a job or don't you?

MIGUEL:
What job?

GARY:
It's a short term job. A very short-term job... a day, half a day. As a matter of fact, you can probably finish it in a few hours.

MIGUEL:
You mean work for you?

GARY:
Yeah, a shot of my cat.

MIGUEL:
Your cat.

GARY:
I have a great affection for my cat. A couple click-clicks, and you're gone. What do you say?

MIGUEL:
Forget it. I'm gone now.

GARY:
Diaz, I'm offering you some work here, huh?

MIGUEL:
Keep your lousy job. I'm not that desperate.

GARY:
Well, that's some kind of gratitude you got.

MIGUEL:
For what?

GARY:
What do you mean gratitude for... if it wasn't for me, you'd be back there sliced and diced right now.

MIGUEL:
If it wasn't for you, I'd have my job at the Sun-Times, I'd have my girl, I'd have my cameras...

GARY:
Your cameras?

MIGUEL:
I had to hock them with 'Bottom-line' Louie for chump change. I can't even work because of you, bro.

GARY:
All right fine, what do you say I lend you some money...

MIGUEL:
No, no, no. Forget it. Just let me out.

GARY:
Look...

MIGUEL:
Now!

{Miguel gets out of the van and walks away}

{Gary's at the Royal Pawn Shop trying to get Miguel's cameras}

GARY:
Come on, Louie, what do you say?

LOUIE:
No can do.

GARY:
Why not?

LOUIE:
Because I'm not allowed to sell. There's a waiting period. See? "All items held for 30 days" before we…

GARY:
Look. I see that, but I don't want to buy the cameras. I just want to redeem them, and then I'll give them straight back to Diaz.

LOUIE:
And why would you do that?

GARY:
It's a long story.

LOUIE:
Uh-huh. I can't help you, kid. I could lose my license over something like this.

GARY:
Okay, okay, all right. What's it going to take, huh?

{Gary keeps pulling out some money}

LOUIE:
You're asking me to put a price on a man's children. Those cameras, they're like his babies. That will barely get them out of the cradle.

GARY:
Look, Louie, I don't want to have to put them through college.

MIGUEL:
Got to at least get them through high school.

{Gary pulls out a credit card and Louie laughs}

{In McGinty's}

GARY:
800…

MARISSA:
What?

GARY:
I got Diaz's cameras out of hock.

MARISSA:
For $800? They must be gold plated.

GARY:
This pawnbroker named Louie...

MARISSA:
Not "Bottom-line" Louie on Clark Street.

GARY:
You know him?

MARISSA:
Everybody knows Louie. The guy would fleece his own mother.

GARY:
Well now you tell me.

MARISSA:
I can't believe you were such a sap.

GARY:
I stop a guy from getting crushed by a cucumber, and a kid from getting electrocuted, and what do I get? A bunch of lip from you and $800 worth of aggravation from Miguel Diaz.

{Gary takes the cameras and walks away}

MARISSA:
Ooh, somebody's in a bad mood.

{In Gary's apartment, he looks around and things are thrown all over. Victor comes out}

VICTOR:
Welcome home. I'll take the cameras.

GARY:
You.

{Victor pulls out his knife}

VICTOR:
Shh. No talking. Just give me the film.

GARY:
Now, listen...

{meow}

{Gary hits Victor}

VICTOR:
Ohh. Aah! Ohh. Oh, god...

{Gary goes out through the fire door, then down the fire escape}

{meow}

{Victor goes out the fire door looking for Gary and he looks down the fire escape and sees him. He puts away his knife and climbs down after Gary}

VICTOR:
Oh!

{When he hits the ground there's a car so he goes to the window}

BRYCE:
Victor. What happened?

VICTOR:
I lost him.

BRYCE:
I can see that. How?

VICTOR:
He surprised me. There was this little cat...

BRYCE:
Where's the film?

VICTOR:
He's got it. He's probably running back to his partner.

BRYCE:
Get in.

VICTOR:
It's not my fault the cat jumped out at me.

{He gets in the car and after they drive away the cat is on the dumpster}

{meow}

{Gary comes out of the other dumpster}

{meow}

{Gary, still in the dumpster, looks at the paper}

{meow}

{'Photographer beaten in robbery'}

GARY:
Photographer beaten.

{He looks at the cat}

GARY:
Thanks.

CONTINUE TO PART 2

Many thanks to Heather for sharing her fanscription of "Camera Shy" – Thank you!

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