122 "Dad"
(Original Air Date: May 3, 1997)

Written by Alex Taub and Bob Brush; Directed by Randy Zisk; (as "fanscribed" by Janet)

Pictures for "Dad"

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[Scene: dark somewhat wooded area. A car is parked with its lights off. Moans are heard from within. A young couple is locked in a passionate embrace. A twig snaps.]

Ted: Did you hear that?

Chuck’s Opening Monologue: The world is a scary place. I mean, just take a look at the headlines sometimes. You got your serial killers, your flesh-eating viruses…

Jennifer: Ted [Pulls his face back to hers. More kissing.]

Monologue cont.: …your wild packs of carnivorous coyotes roaming the countryside. You never know what's going to pop out of the dark.

[Gary pops up next to the car on the passenger’s side startling the occupants.]

Gary: Hi.

Jennifer: Aah!

Ted: Aah!

Gary: I'm not here to hurt you.

Jennifer: Who are you?

Gary: Never mind that. Your father's on the way.

Ted: Why?

Gary: Why? He's coming for you, pal. [Shows the paper, tapping it with his right hand. Headline reads: Angry Dad Assaults Daughter’s Boyfriend]

Ted: That guy doesn't even know me.

Gary: That's good 'cause he's bringing a Louisville Slugger.

[Car with headlights on pulls up. Door opens.]

Ted: I got to go. [Opens his car door and flees]

Jennifer: Ted, wait. [Tries to stop him from leaving as another car pulls up – this one with its lights on. The headlights light the interior of Jennifer’s car.]

Ted: Oh, my god. That's him. See you, Jennifer. [Looks at Jennifer in panic who brushes her hair back.]

Jennifer: Call me tomorrow!

Father: All right, who is he? [Gets out of car with bat in hand.]

Jennifer: God, he's really angry. Can you help me? I'm 20 years old. My father's a nut case. Please. [Looks at Gary pleadingly as her father approaches.

Father: Who's this?

Jennifer: He's my date. [Pulls Gary to her side.]

Gary: Huh?

Father: What's his name?

Jennifer: I don't know.

Father: You didn't tell her your name? [Threatens Gary with the bat.]

Gary: Oh! What's that? [Points at an imaginary something in the distance and then runs away as Jennifer’s dad is briefly distracted.]

Father: Hey, come back here! [Watches Gary run off into the woods. Jennifer also watches.]

Jennifer: Unbelievable. [Looking at her father.]

Chuck’s monologue concl.: Sometimes the scariest things out there are the things you simply don't understand. Take, for example, a guy who gets tomorrow's newspaper today. What's scarier than that?

Gary: Oh!

[Water splashes]

Gary: Unnhhh ! Whoa !

[opening credits]

Scene: Gary’s room at the Blackstone. Cat lies on the bed content. Water is running in the bathroom. Clock radio reads 7AM. Bed hasn’t been slept in. His clothes from the night before are on the floor. Gary comes out of the bathroom wearing his robe and has a towel draped around his neck. Starts to pick up his clothes.

[Knock on door]

Chuck: Gar, good morning.

[Knock on door]

Chuck: Come on, buddy, it's me. Gar, open up. [Gary winces and closes his eyes before reluctantly going over and opening the door.]

Chuck: Good morning.

Gary: What's so good about it?

Chuck: You look gorgeous. What, did you get up on the wrong side of the bed? [Both stop in the doorway.]

Gary: No. I never went to bed. [Chuck walks in and goes to the table. Turns to face Gary.]

Chuck: Oh, yeah? And, uh, where did you spend the night? [Sits down and picks up his coffee.]

Gary: In a swamp.

Chuck: Any particular reason you spent the evening in a swamp? [Hesitates before sipping his coffee.]

Gary: This. [Holds paper up.] It leads. I follow.

Chuck: Well, I hope it was worth it. Did anybody say thank you, at least? [Raises his voice]

Gary: What do you think? [Crosses to kitchen behind Chuck. Chuck hands him his coffee.]

Chuck: Want my advice? You need help.

Gary: What kind of help do you suggest?

Chuck: You need someone that you can talk to, someone that'll help you lighten the load. [Turns toward Gary then faces front again.]

Gary: I thought that was you. [Rummaging in the kitchen.]

Chuck: Someone you can trust. [Holds coffee cup half way to his mouth.]

Gary: Ah.

Chuck: Like your folks.

Gary: What? [Straightens up in a hurry and stares at Chuck in disbelief.]

Chuck: Yeah. I mean look at you. You're pale. You're not having very much fun. [Looks concerned.] Why don't you invite them down for the weekend? You can bond. [Turns back from Gary and pumps his right fist.] I definitely think you should tell your folks. [Picks up paper. Headline reads Trailer Fire Ignites Block Long Blaze.]

Gary: You know what I think? [Puts extinguisher on counter. Holds right hand up as fist and shakes it.] I think out of all the advice that you've given me, Chuck, that... that is the worst. [Shakes finger and waves hand.] My parents here in Chicago. You got to be joking me.

Scene: Street. Gary & Chuck walking together. Gary has paper tucked in his jacket. The fire extinguisher is in his right hand.

Chuck: In all this time, you've never breathed a word to them? Never even dropped them a hint?

Gary: You got it.

Chuck: That's a big secret to keep from the people that changed your diapers.

Gary: What do you expect me to do? [Puts hand to chest.] "Mom, dad, I forgot to tell you, but I get tomorrow's paper today"? My dad, can you imagine him? First thing he'd want to do is help me. [Pauses when he sees trailer across the street.]

Chuck: There it is.

Gary: All right. [Gary & Chuck run across the street toward the trailer still talking.] Remember the paper route in seventh grade? How about that explosive science project? We were lucky to get out of there alive.

Chuck: Let's just get out of here alive, okay?

Gary: Hey, anybody in there? [Gary bangs on door. Chuck bangs on the side of the trailer. Smoke billows out of trailer.]

Chuck: All right, nobody's in here. Put this thing out.

Gary: I know this trailer. [Stares at trailer in recognition.]

Chuck: Gar, let's go. The thing is going to blow.

Gary: I know that smell. [Sniffs the air]

Chuck: Gar, come on, now! I'll get the door. Go!

[Chuck yanks the door open. Smoke billows out.]

[Gary coughs as the smoke hits him in the face. He rushes in with the fire extinguisher.]

Chuck: What is that smell? [Waves his hand in front of his face to dispel the smoke.]

Gary: Gnocchi. [Grimaces as he speaks.]

Chuck: Oh, no, you're not going to believe this. [Looks to his left. Looks back at Gary and shakes his head.]

Gary: Yes, I am. [Turns his head to his right.]

Chuck: No, you're not. [Looks back to his left then at Gary again.]

Gary: Oh, yes, I am.

[Older man with bag of groceries approaches.]

Bernie: What's going on here? Chuckie, is that you?

Chuck: Bernie!

Bernie: Gar!

Gary: Dad!

Bernie: Good to see you. [Hugs Gary who looks uneasy but returns the hug before pulling away and smiling.] What is this, you guys playing a joke on me?

Chuck: Where there's smoke, there's fire. [Stands there with half grin on his face holding Bernie’s groceries and nodding.]

Scene: Gary’s room at the Blackstone. The three guys have just entered. Bernie has two suitcases in hand.

Bernie: So this is it, huh? Well, let's have a look around. [Drops his bags on the floor and walks around the room toward the windows. Gary & Chuck are behind him.]

Chuck: Make yourself at home, Mr. Hobson. [Starts to move in Bernie’s direction but is stopped by Gary who puts a hand on his chest while they still stand near the door.]

Bernie: [Looking out windows] Not much in the way of furnishings, but wow, look at this view. Fantastic. [Raises and lowers his hands in a "look at this" gesture.]

Gary: Yeah, so, dad –

Bernie: How did you find this place? [Turns from window and starts back toward Gary and Chuck.]

Chuck: Back of a matchbook. [Walks toward Bernie.]

Bernie: Oh, ho ho. Chucko, still the old jokester, huh? [Gives Chuck a playful jab in the stomach and then a one-armed hug.]

Chuck: That's me. [Grinning.]

Bernie: So how's the stock market business?

Chuck: Together: It has its ups, and it has its downs. [Chuck and Bernie do up and down gesture’s with their hands.]

Gary: Ha ha ha.

Bernie: It's good to see you guys. How long's it been? Well over a year, right? [Lots of hand waving.]

Chuck: Yeah, well you know. We've been busy saving the world.

Gary: Dad, what are you doing here in town? [Puts hand on Dad’s stomach briefly then waves that hand.]

Bernie: Since when does a guy need an excuse to see his kid? [Taps his right should with right hand. Hits Gary in the chest and walks away.] You should have seen the traffic. Hey, I got to wash up.[Wanders off toward the kitchen after briefly stopping and turning back to Gary and Chuck.] How about some coffee? You guys got any coffee?

Chuck: Yeah, it's in the pantry.

Bernie: You call this a pantry? [Looking around.] Look at this. [Looks at lack of shelving.]

Chuck: He's your dad, buddy. [Turns to Gary. Hands him something, probably the door key.]I got to go to the office and take care of some important business. Good luck. [Leaves Gary with mouth open to protest. Gary turns back after Chuck closes the door.]

Gary: No. Wait.

[Gary looks at the keys in his hand then at Bernie who is getting the coffee stuff together.]

Bernie: Let's see, what have we got here? Filters, cups, coffee.

Gary: Are you all right? [Walks over to Bernie. Raises his right hand briefly then lowers. Paper is in his right back pocket.]

Bernie: You want to have a little coffee with me? [Looks up while shaking coffee into filter in basket .]

Gary: You got me worried here. What's wrong?

Bernie: Why does something always have to be wrong? [Turns and grins at Gary] I felt like taking a little trip. [Turns back to coffee. Gary has a skeptical look on his face.]

Gary: You've had that trailer locked up for 10 years. I talked to you the other day. You're out in your shed building cabinets. You don't mention anything about visiting. Now all of a sudden, here you are. What's going on? [Bernie turns back and forth then stops and looks right at Gary.]

Bernie: She threw me out. [Gives Gary a "hurt" look.]

Gary: What? Who threw you out?

Bernie: Your mother. She threw me out. [Walks out of kitchen away from Gary waving his right hand.]

Gary: When did that happen? [Bernie is standing at window now.]

Bernie: Last Tuesday. [Turns back to face Gary.]

Gary: You've been driving around for a week? [Gestures in disbelief with right hand and leans toward Bernie a little.]

Bernie: I took the scenic route, did a little fishing. What are you doing? [Gary crosses the room to the kitchen. Takes the receiver in hand.]

Gary: What do you mean what am I doing? I'm calling Mom.

Bernie: Ha ha ha. Are you kidding me? She packed those bags with her own hands, set them on the porch, [points toward bags with his hat in his right hand] closed the door, and said "see ya." [waves "good-bye" wave]

Gary: Dad, after 35 years, what did you do to make her so mad? [Gary stares at Bernie in disbelief]

Bernie: You got me. [Gives Gary an innocent look.]

Gary: Dad. [Tries to stare him down. Bernie just shakes his head.]

Bernie: Okay. I retired. [Looks disgusted. Gary looks away and back.]

Gary: That's it?

Bernie: Well, that's my point, isn't it?[ waves hands and shakes head.] Exactly. You spend your whole life on your job, and then all of a sudden, bam [Snaps fingers. Gary takes a deep breath and attempts to speak. Bernie keeps talking.] -- that's it. You're finished, out of there. Well, not me. I've got a lot to do.

Gary: Well -- like what? [turns his head to the left then back to Bernie.]

Bernie: You sound just like her. That's exactly what she said. [Looks disgusted and shakes his head & holds hand out toward Gary.] "Like what?"

Gary: And then what did you say? [Staring wide eyed at Bernie straightens up from where he’s been leaning on the counter in anticipation.]

Bernie: I said, "I am too young to spend the rest of my life building shelves for your china." [Gestures emphatically with his left hand in disgust and leans forward then straightens.

Gary: You said that to Mom? [Has incredulous look on his face.]

Bernie: I said that to Mom. That's when she threw me out. She said, "Come back when you've found whatever it is you're looking for." [Gary turns away from Bernie and wincing puts his thumb and forefingers from his right hand up to the bridge of his nose with a pained look on his face.] So I hooked up the trailer. I went up to Yellowstone. I saw Old Faithful. Hey, I fished the lower Madison, [Makes fishing motions] I fished the upper Madison, then I fished the Clearwater, then I fished the Yellowstone, and then I got real tired of fishing, so I circled around, I headed down to the Grand Canyon, spit in there, ["demonstrates"] and then, uh... I came here. [Flashes Gary a "triumphant" look and crosses the room to the window seat. Sits down and crosses his legs while looking at Gary.]

Gary: Yeah, you came here. Now you're going to go home. [Dials parents home phone. Apparently his mom answers. Big smile when he hears her voice.] Mom. Hey, how you doing? Listen, mom, uh -- yeah, I'm eating fine. [Slight frown when he hears the question.] Listen, is there anything that you want to tell me? [Leans on counter for most of the duration of the conversation but looks down at the floor and moves around some.] Yeah -- no, Mom, Dad's here. Huh? No, Mom, ca-- Mom. Well, I-I know, I -- ye-- I love you, too. Okay. I -- well, [Hangs up the phone resigned to having Bernie’s company for a while. Bernie waves his hands in triumph.

.Bernie: I guess it's just the two of us, pal. Which closet's mine?

Scene: McGinty’s. Gary, Chuck and Marissa are seated at a table talking. Bernie is at the bar getting drinks.

Chuck: So he's staying, huh?

Gary: No. Just long enough for mom to calm down, then he's going home. [Turns back toward his friends after looking over at Bernie. Chuck raises his beer and takes a swig. Gary turns back to watch Bernie at the bar.]

Bernie: You got any gnocchi?

Bartender: What's gnocchi?

Bernie: Never mind. Just give me two fingers of scotch. And a glass of water with lime. [Gestures with right hand.]

Bartender: You got it.

Marissa: Has this ever happened before?

Gary: No. The guy's -- he's always been the rock of Gibraltar. [Turns back to look at his friends]

Chuck: It looks like the rock is starting to roll.

Marissa: Well, I think he's pretty charming. Maybe it will be good for you, like a father-son bonding.

Gary: Is that what they teach you in psychology? [Gives Marissa a dirty look.]

Marissa: Oh, come on, Gary. He loves you. Don't be so hard on him.

Gary: I love him. I'm just being practical. He's got his life, and I've got mine. [Waves his hands around.]

Chuck: Not to mention a newspaper at your doorstep. [Raises and lowers hands.]

Gary: Yeah you’ve got…Listen to me you don't mention anything about that, do you understand? [Chuck makes lip-locking motion with right hand.]

Marissa: He's going to be in your house. You can’t keep it a secret.

Gary: For a couple of days, and that's it. Then I’ll talk to him. I'm just going to have to be tough on him.

[Bernie returns to their table with the drinks he ordered.]

Bernie: Marissa.

Gary: Listen, dad --

Bernie: To old friends and new.

Gary: Before you do that, I want -- [Tries to get Bernie’s attention.]

Bernie: Here's to new adventures, come what may. Son, you're not toasting. [Holes his glass up to propose the toast. Notices that Gary is not holding his drink up]

Gary: Well, that's because --

Bernie: Here's to finding ourselves, Chuck.

Chuck: Right behind you, Bernie. [Raises his bottle.]

Gary: Yeah, okay. [Half laugh]

Bernie: Finally, to family, to the ones who love you, to the ones who pull your fat from the fire, to the ones who stand by you when you have no place else to go. [Pause as Gary looks at his dad somewhat guiltily] Salud.

Marissa: Cheers. [Takes a drink from her glass.]

Chuck: L'chaim.

Scene: Gary’s room at the Blackstone. Gary & Bernie are in bed. Bernie’s bedded down on the couch.

Bernie: Gar?

Gary: Yeah?

Bernie: You don't mind me being here, do you? [Camera switches back and forth between them.]

Gary: No. What are you talking about? I'm just worried about you and mom, that's all.

Bernie: I appreciate that. So what's up for tomorrow?

[Cat climbs up on the bed and walks on Gary’s chest purring. Meow]

Gary: I have no idea. [Looks at Cat]

[Commercial]

Scene: Gary’s room at the Blackstone. Morning. Gary pushes the pillow off his face. Bernie is in the kitchen beating eggs with a fork.

Gary: Dad?

Bernie: Making breakfast. Scrambled okay?

Gary: Mm. Yep.

Bernie: Oh, my. A day out there, son. People all over the place like roaches.

[Gary looks at the alarm clock. Rubs his eyes and looks again. Clock reads 832AM. Gary panics and rushes out of bed and into the kitchen.]

Gary: Did you turn my alarm off? [Half turns back and points.]

Bernie: Yeah, I did. Went off at 6:30. [Pauses in egg beating to look up at Gary.] You were sounding like an 18-wheeler with a jake brake on, so I figured... kid doesn't have a job. We'll let him sleep in. [Gary’s eyes are half closed and his hair is messed up. Looks as if he’s going to say something but stops.] You mind if I ask you a question?

Gary: What?

Bernie: What do you do with yourself all day? [Looks at Gary concerned.]

Gary: Oh, um, well, I, uh -- huh, you know, I, uh, I do, uh, not much, uh -- not much?

Bernie: That doesn't sound like you, Gar.

Gary: Well, I, uh... [Looks and acts nervous as Cat meows] Did you get the paper today? [Looks around for his Early Edition.]

Bernie: Yeah, I did. [Looks up at Gary.]

Gary: Did you read the paper?

Bernie: Of course I read it. That's what papers are for. [Grins]

Gary: And? [Waits expectantly.]

Bernie: The funnies weren't funny, if that's what you mean. Why? [Shakes his head.]

Gary: Ha, ha, ha. Nothing.

Bernie: By the way, you can't find anything in this kitchen. What you need are some more shelves. [Gestures at the wall.] Your mother always used to say -- never mind. Do you want some coffee? [Points at Gary & turns toward the coffee maker. Walks over and gets coffee.]

Gary: Uh, yeah. Uh, listen, Dad, uh, maybe you ought to call Mom today huh?

Bernie: Your mother was right. [Pours coffee into mug for Gary and hands it to him.]

Gary: She what? [Looks confused]

Bernie: Yeah, throwing me out. [Walks back to coffee maker for second mug.] She had every reason to.

Gary: She did?

Bernie: For one thing, I insulted her china.[Shakes his head.] For another thing, a man ain't worth diddly squat unless he's got some direction. I need to find my direction. [Walks back and forth. Has what appears to be a toothpick in his mouth. Gestures with both hands.]

Gary: How are you going to do that? [Looks confused again.]

Bernie: No idea. But it'll come to me. [Shrugs, nods & grins] Like that time we got stuck in the tree house. [Looks up toward the ceiling.] You remember that? We couldn't get down. [Starts beating eggs again.] The rope ladder broke, and there we were. You thought we'd be stuck there forever till we starved to death. Of course, I agreed, but I couldn't say so. I'm thinking, what's the worst that could happen, broken leg? Broken neck? It took me a while, but I figured it out.

[Gary sits at the table with the paper. Notices that something wrong.]

Gary: This is today's. [Holds paper up as he rushes to the kitchen counter.]

Bernie: Of course it's today's. I got it fresh from the newsstand. [Laughs. Stops beating eggs. Indicates that he went out to get that paper.]

Gary: What happened to the one – the other—[gestures toward doorway]

Bernie: Oh, I got rid of it.

Gary: You what? [Looks stunned]

Bernie: There was something wrong with it, it was cockamamie.. Had the wrong headline, the wrong date.

Gary: What did you do with it?

Bernie: I got rid of it.

Gary: Where?

Bernie: I gave it away. [Shakes his head.]

Gary: Dad, to who?

Bernie: Some old guy pushing a shopping cart.

Scene: Busy sidewalk. Gary is counting out money to the homeless man for his paper. Bernie watches in amazement.

Gary: 20...30...40...50.

Bernie: I don't believe this. Are you out of your mind? 50 bucks for a newspaper? That's pretty steep, even at home. So what's the deal, you a collector or what? [Bernie & Gary walk down the street. Gary is putting the paper back in order.]

Gary: Something like that, yeah.

Bernie: Kind of a hobby, huh? Maybe that's what I need -- a hobby. Electric trains or something.

Bernie: Maybe I could go in on this with you. [Gary turns toward Bernie in a panic.]

Gary: No, dad, you can't – we’re not going in -- look, don't you think you ought to call mom today? [Stops and turns toward Bernie. Bernie looks at him.]

Bernie: Can't do that, Gar. I made my break. The bullet's out of the gun.

[Gary sees headline in paper: Child in critical condition after fall.]

Gary: Dad, listen, I got to go. [Looks up from paper]

Bernie: What? What's the rush? Why don't we get something to eat? I bet we could find gnocchi around here. [Looking toward the street waves hands as he turns back toward Gary who can’t be heard clearly over Bernie’s voice.]

Gary: I'd like to, but I got to go. [Waving arms around]

Bernie: Are you sick, son? [Looks at Gary in concern.]

Gary: It's just I got something I got to do.

Bernie: I'll go with you. [Starts to walk with Gary.]

Gary: No, no, absolutely not. [Puts hand out to stop Bernie.] Look, you just -- you -- I'll meet you back at the apartment. I got to go, okay? I'll talk to you later. [Runs off to take care of the paper.]

Bernie: Hey, Gar, wait up! What else am I going to do, go shopping? [Catches up with Gary as he rounds the next corner.]

Gary: I got to do this alone, all right? [Looking toward Dad as he tries to leave him behind.]

Bernie: Fine, I won't say a word. I'm invisible.

Gary: Uh, all right, look, uh... All right, here we are. [Looking at paper then at the street.]

Bernie: This is it?

Gary: Huh? Uh, yeah.

Bernie: What's here? [Looking around.]

Gary: Uh, I've got an appointment.

Bernie: Job interview.

Gary: Huh? [Looks blankly at Bernie.]

Bernie: Why didn't you tell me you had a job interview? I can't go with you. I'm your father. They'll think you're nuts. [Looks around and waves his hands.]

Gary: Of course they will. That's why I think you should get a cup of coffee. [Bernie turns around looks at coffee shop.]

Bernie: Good idea. Good luck, son.

Gary: Thank you. I'll be right back. Just stay here.[Bernie nods and goes off to coffee shop.] Oh, boy. [Runs off around the next corner.]

Scene: Apartment building. Two young boys are standing on a balcony with a homemade rope. The older one puts the rope around the younger one.

Boy 1: Okay, you ready?

Boy 2: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Boy 1: I thought of it, didn't I?

Boy 2: But why do I have to go?

Boy 1: Because.

Boy 2: Because what?

Boy 1: Because who's going to hold the rope? [Gary runs around the corner of the apartment building and looks up at the boys pointing.]

Gary: Hey! Don't do that.

Boy 2: Who are you? [Looking down at Gary]

Gary: It doesn't matter. You're going to fall.

Boy 1: No, he's not. I'm going to lower him.

Gary: Y-you're going to what? [Continues looking up at boys and makes negative gestures with his right hand.]

Boy 1: Like "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." Tied the knots myself.

Gary: That's great, but it's not going to work.

Boy 1: Ignore him. Come on. [Shakes his head. Starts to tie the rope around his brother.

Gary: Hey! Now listen to me. Listen to me, uh... [Looks at paper for names of boys] Derek and Jimmy. What I'm going to do is tell your mother -- no, I'm not going to tell your mother because your mother's not home, is she? I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

Boy 2: We dropped our dad's baseball.

Gary: You what?

Boy 1: His Willie Mays baseball. It's in there. [Points at the dumpster beneath their balcony.]

Gary: Well, why don't you come down and get it?

Boy 1: Can't. Mom says we can't go out the front door.

Gary: Look, just stay there, all right? Don't do anything. I'll get the baseball.

[Walks over to look in the dumpster. Climbs up on the edge and attempts to keep his balance.]

Boy 1: It's there.

Gary: Where? [Moves some trash around.]

Boy 1: Right there. [Points to dumpster again.]

Gary: Great. You sure -- oh. [Loses his balance and falls in. Boys laugh at him.]

Woman: Boys? I'm home!

Boy 1: It's mom.

Woman: Oh, boys. [Boys look at each other and rush inside.]

Gary: Hey, I got it! Hey, kid. [Stands waist deep in trash holding ball up] Hey, kid, I got your ball.

[Bernie rounds the corner with a Styrofoam cup of coffee in hand. Sees Gary in the dumpster.]

Bernie: What's going on here? [Sees Gary standing in the dumpster.]

Gary: Oh, I, uh, uh... Uh, well...

Bernie: What's that?

Gary: Willie Mays. [Holds ball up with a somewhat sheepish grin on his face as he looks at his dad and shows him the ball.]

Bernie: Oh.

[Gary & Bernie are walking down the street.]

Bernie: You're in trouble, aren't you?

Gary: No, I'm not in any trouble. [Shakes finger on left hand.]

Bernie: Here's what I see, okay? I see a guy who buys a newspaper from a bum. [Slaps Gary on the shoulder back handed.] I see a guy who's in a dumpster up to his keister in orange peels. I see a guy who's in trouble and who's also hiding something from me.

[Jennifer, the girl from the woods the other night stops Gary as they pass each other.]

Jennifer: Excuse me. I know you, don't I? You're the one from the woods the other night, the one who snuck up on my car.

Gary: Ha, ha, ha. [Nervously]

Jennifer: I just want you to know that I'm sorry for how I behaved, but you were great. It's just my father, he's like some sort of madman. He follows me everywhere. You'd think he'd trust his own daughter, huh?

Bernie: How did she behave? [With a look on his face that hints that he knows and a half nod.]

Gary: Dad, please – [embarrassed smile]

Jennifer: Anyway, whatever you saw in that paper...[Bernie’s attention is drawn to the paper as she mentions it.] Thanks for rescuing me. Thanks.

Gary: Oh, yeah, you're welcome.

Jennifer: Thank you. [Kisses Gary on the left cheek. As she leaves she’s walking backward facing Gary. Bernie now grabs the paper.]

Gary: Bye. [Reacts to Bernie getting his hands on the paper.] What are you doing?

Bernie: Look at this. [Starts to read paper.]

Gary: You know how you got electric trains? That's your hobby, this is mine. That's all it is. [Tries to get paper away from Bernie as he backs away.]

Bernie: Yeah, but this is some hobby. [Still reading paper]

Gary: Hey, look, you collect some things, I collect some things.

Bernie: Yeah, huh? [Bernie sees story of poultry truck crashing, sees poultry truck pass by, puts two and two together and runs off to follow the truck]

Gary: What are -- what are you doing? Hey, what are you -- hey.

Bernie: I don't believe it.

[Poultry truck crashes. Feathers fly everywhere. Land on Gary and other bystanders. Gary looks on, stunned that this accident has happened because his dad had the paper and he couldn’t stop it.]

[commercial]

CONTINUE TO PART 2


Many thanks to Janet for sharing her fanscription of "Dad" – Thank you!


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1997 - 2001, etc.
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