‘Thief Swipes Mayor's Dog’ continued...

Written by Bob Brush, Robert Rabinowitz and John Romano; Directed by Susan Seidelman; (as "fanscribed" by Janet)

Pictures for "Thief Swipes Mayor's Dog"

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RETURN TO PART 1

Scene: Open lot facing the city skyline. Daylight hours. Phil is looking at the city. A train is heard in the background. Gary approaches Phil from behind and looks around.

GARY: PHIL

PHIL: I'M SORRY. WE'RE CLOSED. TRY THE LUNCHEONETTE ON WABASH.

(Gary walks up to Phil.)

GARY: YOU LIED TO ME.

UNCLE PHIL: WHAT?

GARY: YOU PROMISED ME YOU WERE GOING TO STOP, BUT YOU AREN'T GOING TO, ARE YOU?

UNCLE PHIL: WHAT KIND OF COLLEGE WAS THAT YOU WENT TO ANYWAY?

GARY: PHIL, DON'T DO IT. (Shakes his head at Phil. Camera shows stone with Bugle's name on it hidden among the flowers. UNCLE PHIL: HE LIKED COMING HERE. HE LIKED TO BARK AT THE TRAINS, SMELL THE RAGWEED, CATCH RATS. HE WAS GOOD AT THAT. IT'S A NICE VIEW. (Gary looks around as Phil talks.) YEAH. THERE'S CITY HALL. (Points toward the skyline.)

GARY: LOOK, PHIL, LET IT GO AND TAKE THE AUTOGRAPH. (Reaches in his jacket pocket and takes out the paper. Holds it out to Phil who refuses it.)

UNCLE PHIL: NO, THANK YOU.

GARY: NOTHING'S GOING TO BRING BUGLE BACK -- AND IF YOU KEEP THIS...(Shakes hand with paper in it. Phil shakes hand in negative gesture.)

UNCLE PHIL: THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. DOGS ARE DOGS, AND PRINCIPLE IS PRINCIPLE. MY RELATIVES CAME HERE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD -- RUSSIA, ARMENIA...PERU. DON'T ASK. (Shakes hand at Gary.) THEY CAME HERE BECAUSE THEY KNEW THAT HERE THEY WOULD GET A FAIR SHAKE. IT DIDN'T MATTER IF YOU PAINTED HOUSES OR SOLD HOT DOGS. ONE GUY WAS AS GOOD AS THE NEXT. PEOPLE COUNTED. BUT TODAY... THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG. THOSE IN CHARGE SAY THEY HAVE NO TIME. WHY, IF I WOULD RUN MY CART LIKE THAT I'D BE BROKE IN A WEEK. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, DON'T YOU?

(Camera switches back and forth between them. Phil somewhat animated during his little speech.)

GARY: YEAH. (Nods his head. Trains are heard in the background.)

UNCLE PHIL YOU KNOW, I-I SAID THAT HE LIKED TO CATCH RATS, HE - I LIED. HE NEVER CAUGHT ONE THAT STUPID MUTT. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT. NOTHING WILL EVER BRING HIM BACK. IT'S OVER.

(Phil walks away. Gary looks over at Bugle's grave again. Flowers are blowing in the breeze. Gives a slight nod. Train passes in front of Phil. Gary looks sad for Phil's loss.)

Scene: McGinty's game room. Gary & Chuck are playing pool. Chuck takes his shot. Marissa's on a stool close by. Gary looks for his shot as Chuck goes over to the bar to get a drink.

CHUCK: THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD YOU? DON'T BELIEVE HIM. HE'S LYING.

MARISSA: CHUCK HE'S YOUR UNCLE.

CHUCK: TWICE REMOVED. LET HIM GO TO JAIL.

(Gary takes his shot.)

GARY: SO MUCH FOR BLOOD BEING THICKER THAN WATER. THE GUY SAID HE'D STOP. I BELIEVE HIM.

CHUCK: GAR, I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR 20 YEARS. HE'S OUT OF HIS MIND.

(Walks back over to pool table to take his next shot. Gary hands cue stick to Chuck to use.)

GARY: HE'S AN OLD MAN. SO HE'S A LITTLE HOT HEADED.

CHUCK: SO WAS GENGHIS KHAN. YOU TRIED TO HELP HIM TWICE. JUST GET OVER IT. LET IT GO.

GARY: I CAN'T

CHUCK: WHY NOT?

GARY: BECAUSE THE GUY CARES. I MEAN, HE BELIEVES IN THINGS THAT MOST OF US TAKE FOR GRANTED. (Looks at Chuck. Chuck hands him the cue stick. Camera switches briefly back to Chuck then to Gary again.)

CHUCK: PHIL? LIKE WHAT?

GARY: LIKE TRUTH, LIKE JUSTICE...

CHUCK: ...LIKE THE AMERICAN WAY. I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU START SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. (Walks over to bar. Gets his jacket and puts it on.) OH, BY THE WAY, GARY, LET ME REMIND YOU OF SIX NUMBERS THAT APPEAR IN MY NEWSPAPER THAT BEGIN WITH A 10 AND END WITH A 4. (Turns and walks back to the bar from where he had moved near Gary. Gary just looks at him.)

MARISSA: WHAT'S THAT?

CHUCK: (Waves his paper at Marissa.) LAST NIGHT'S LOTTERY NUMBERS. THE ONE THAT NO ONE WON, THE ONE THAT BROKE MY HEART. I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE. HERE, KEEP A LITTLE SOUVENIR. (Drops his paper on the pool table as Gary lines up his next shot.)

MARISSA: DON'T MIND HIM. HE WAS BORN THAT WAY.

(Gary's attention is drawn to the paper. Realization hits that the lottery numbers he sees in the paper are the same numbers on the paper the mayor autographed for Phil.) I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

MARISSA: GARY, WHAT IS IT?

GARY: I DON'T BELIEVE IT

Scene: Mayor Garfield's office. Flanagan is searching through the mayor's desk for his missing "document".

FLANAGAN: WHERE IS IT, DAMN IT? IT'S GOT TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE.

(Mayor Garfield enters his office. Sees Flanagan when he turns the lights on.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: THAT'S MY DESK.

FLANAGAN: SO IT IS. (Looks at Mayor standing in the doorway.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN IT? (Walks into the office and toward his desk.)

FLANAGAN: I'M MISSING A DOCUMENT, NOTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MAYOR, AS USUAL. ARE YOU SPYING ON ME? (Rises from desk. Mayor has put what he was carrying down. Tugs at right ear.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: IT'S MY OFFICE.

FLANAGAN: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ANYWAY?

MAYOR GARFIELD: I WAS GOING OVER SOME CABINET MEMOS, NOTES ON MEETINGS. HAS ANY OF THIS BEEN IN MY BRIEFINGS?

FLANAGAN: WHERE DID YOU GET THESE? YOU DON'T NEED TO HAVE THOSE. TO ...

MAYOR GARFIELD: SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT. (Walks around to back of desk.)

FLANAGAN: REALLY? WITH WHAT? (Acts surprised.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: THE OTHER DAY IN THE PARK, THAT FELLOW, THE PRESS. (Sits at his desk gesturing. Then puts hands together and rests chin on them.)

FLANAGAN: WHICH IS WHY I SUGGESTED SKIPPING THOSE WALKS.

MAYOR GARFIELD: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN. I HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.

FLANAGAN: TO WHAT?

MAYOR GARFIELD: TO WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY CITY. MAYBE (Gestures then lowers hands, fingers interlaced to desk.) I'VE LOST TOUCH WITH THE PEOPLE. I-I THINK --

FLANAGAN: YOU DIDN'T GET ELECTED TO THINK. (Gestures vehemently.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: WHAT? (Notices and dislikes Flanagan's tone.)

FLANAGAN: NOTHING. (Turns to leave.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: JUST A MINUTE. (Rises from his desk.) IT SEEMS TO ME THAT I HAVE MIGHT --

FLANAGAN: WELL, YOU DON'T. (Turns back from doorway.)YOU GAVE UP THAT RIGHT, THE DAY YOU SAID, (Taps his chest)"MAKE ME MAYOR." YOU'VE GOT AN IMAGE, YOUR HONOR, AN IMAGE I MADE. GO HOME, YOUR HONOR IT'S LATE. (Turns lights off as he leaves. Mayor sits down. Removes his glasses.)

Scene: Gary & Marissa sitting at a table in McGinty's.

GARY: YESTERDAY'S NUMBERS, THE PIECE OF PAPER THE MAYOR GAVE PHIL. (Places the paper from the mayor on his newspaper. Looks over at Marissa.)

MARISSA: YOU WANT TO HELP ME OUT?

GARY: THEY MATCH.

MARISSA: SOMEONE WROTE DOWN SOME NUMBERS SO WHAT?

GARY: PHIL HAD THIS YESTERDAY BEFORE THE LOTTERY CLOSED, THAT MEANS THAT SOMEBODY KNEW THE NUMBERS BEFORE THEY WERE PICKED.

MARISSA: SOMEONE WHO?

(Gary & Marissa look at each other.)

GARY: WELL I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, THE YOR...

CHUCK: THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. (Shakes her head.) IF THEY HAD THE NUMBERS, WHY DIDN'T THEY WIN?

GARY: THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. WHAT HAPPENS IF NOBODY WINS THIS THING AT ALL? (Gestures with his right hand while facing Marissa.)

MARISSA: I'M NOT SURE I KNOW.

BARTENDER: 10 ROLLOVERS IN A ROW AND THE JACKPOT GOES BACK TO ZERO. THE MONEY REVERTS TO THE CITY, SOME KIND OF A FUND OR SOMETHING.

(Gary looks are bartender then at paper. Obviously thinking about the implications. Gathers up papers and jacket.)

GARY: I GOT TO GO.

MARISSA: WHERE?

GARY: TO SEE THE MAYOR.

MARISSA: AT THIS HOUR? (Looking toward sound of Gary's voice.)

GARY: PETE, GET MARISSA A CAB, WOULD YOU? (Points toward Marissa.)

Scene: Dark city street. Police cruiser is parked in front of the Mayor's house.

WOMAN: 73, go ahead.

MAN: 1518 W ST 158. That's 1-5-1-8 W 158 Street

WOMAN: West 1-5-8 Street?

MAN: That's a roger.

(Around the side of the house a dark figure is climbing to the roof. Scene changes to interior. Focus on a desk with pictures on it. Mayor Garfield sits on his couch looking over official documents he has spread out on his coffee table. He picks up and puts down various documents. Sits back on the couch and pats his knees with his hands. Leans forward and reaches for a photograph on a table to his right. Leans forward and picks up a drink. Scene changes to dark room. A flashlight beam shines on the dark wall.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: I DON'T GET IT. WHEN DID I APPROVE THIS? AN IMAGE HE SAID, AN IMAGE HE MADE. AT ONE TIME, THE BEST ALDERMAN THE SEVENTH DISTRICT EVER HAD. RIGHT, PATSY?

(Scene changes back to Living room. Patsy growls as she apparently hears something in the other room. Mayor gets up and goes over to the door. Opens and steps into the darkened room.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: THE WORST THING IS... I LET IT HAPPEN. I TOLD MYSELF I WAS DOING SOME GOOD. YEAH. I'VE DONE NOTHING... EXCEPT FOOL MYSELF.

(PATSY STARTS BARKING)

MAYOR GARFIELD: PATSY? WHAT IS IT? HELLO? IS SOMEONE THERE? HELLO? HELLO? WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

UNCLE PHIL: PHIL KAZAKIAN CITIZEN. (Shines flashlight in his face the stairs creak and he falls.)

UNCLE PHIL: AAH! I CAME FOR OUR DOG. (Looks up from where he has fallen. Patsy barks at him.)

Scene: Dark street outside the Mayor's house. Gary walks up to the cruiser.

DISPATCHER: 2-Robert-82.

GARY: DOES THE MAYOR LIVE HERE? (Points at house.)

POLICE OFFICER: YEAH.

GARY: THANK YOU. (Passes cruiser to turn toward stairs of the house.)

POLICE OFFICER: HOLD IT. YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

MAYOR GARFIELD: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. (Standing on porch.)

GARY: I GOT TO TALK TO THE MAYOR. (Climbs stairs to porch.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: IT S OKAY, DAVE. I WAS EXPECTING THIS GENTLEMAN. (Is holding Patsy in his arms. Turns to enter the house with Gary right behind him.)

GARY: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS GOING TO BE HERE?

UNCLE PHIL: I TOLD HIM. (Gary stops up short and states at Phil who's holding an icebag on his head as he sits in the Mayor's Living Room.)BY THE WAY, YOU'RE LATE.

GARY: OH, NOT AGAIN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU PROMISED. (Walks further into the room disappointed in Phil.)

UNCLE PHIL: SUE ME.

GARY: SUE YOU...

(Mayor enters the room still holding Patsy.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: EXCUSE ME FOR INTERRUPTING, BUT BEFORE I HAVE YOU DRAWN AND QUARTERED, WOULD SOMEBODY LIKE TO TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON? (Camera switches back and forth from Phil to Gary & the mayor.)

UNCLE PHIL: YOUR HONOR, IT'S ABOUT A RAT IN DENMARK.

Scene: Daylight shot of skyline. People are lining up to buy lottery tickets at stores.

MAN: GOOD MORNING IT'S SUNDAY IN CHICAGO, WHERE LOTTERY FEVER HAS ONCE AGAIN REACHED ITS PEAK THE JACKPOT STANDS AT NEARLY $2 MILLION AND COUNTING WITH MET-PIK LINES STAYING OPEN TILL 7:00 TONIGHT AND FROM LAS VEGAS, NEWS THAT ODD MAKERS HAVE POSTED 7-TO-1 ODDS AGAINST ANOTHER MET-PIK MISMATCH. SO IF YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT, THERE'S STILL TIME...

Scene: Gary's room at the Blackstone. Clock radio reads 6:59AM. Gary already out of bed.

[CAT MEOWS]

[THUD]

(Gary walks toward the kitchen carrying the cat and the newspaper.) Puts paper on the counter. Drops cat on the floor. Picks up phone. Dials a number.) NOW A QUICK LOOK AT TRAFFIC. WE HAVE A BACKUP NORTHBOUND ON THE DAN RYAN DUE TO SOME CONSTRUCTION. THE EISENHOWER IS SMOOTH SAILING INTO THE LOOP AND THE STEVENSON. CLEAR SAILING UNTIL A COUPLE OF MINUTES AGO...

GARY: STAY OFF THE FURNITURE. CHUCK, IT'S ME. FEEL LIKE BUYING A LOTTERY TICKET?

Scene: City skyline time lapse from day to night. Camera pans the city streets as people enter the TV studio to buy wait for the televised drawing of the Lottery numbers. Flanagan and Becker enter. Reporters rush over to them.

WOMAN: CAN'T BE TOO MUCH LONGER. SHOULD BE COMING AROUND THAT WAY. HEADS UP. MR. FLANAGAN! MR. FLANAGAN!

FLANAGAN: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, BE PATIENT. HIS HONOR WILL BE HERE SOON. (Looks over at the woman reporter.)

REPORTER: DOES THE MAYOR EXPECT TO FIND A WINNER TONIGHT?

(Flanagan & Becker smile for the cameras.)

FLANAGAN: WELL, ABSOLUTELY. WE ALL DO.

(Becker just stands there as Flanagan fields the questions.)

REPORTER: SIR, IS THERE ANY TRUTH TO THE RUMORS THAT THE

MAYOR'S PLANNING ON MAKING A STATEMENT?

(Flanagan hesitates as he answers.)

FLANAGAN: WELL, OF COURSE THAT WOULD BE UP TO HIM. UH, EXCUSE ME.

(Flanagan and Becker leave the room.)

REPORTER: SIR, WHEN IS THE MAYOR DUE TO ARRIVE?

Scene: Empty corridor in another part of the building.

BECKER: WE NEED TO TALK. NOW.

FLANAGAN: WHAT KIND OF STATEMENT?

WOMAN: NONE THAT I KNOW OF.

FLANAGAN: NOT ALLOWED. CHECK IT OUT.

(Becker leaves. Flanagan remain in corridor then walks to TV Engineering Maintenance Room. A bespectacled man is sitting at a computer.)

Scene: Dark street. Gary & Chuck walking to store for ticket.

CHUCK: CHECK IT OUT.

GARY: HUH?

Scene: TV Engineering Maintenance Room. Flanagan & Roundtree discuss their plans.

FLANAGAN: READY?

ROUNDTREE: UH, YEAH, JUST ABOUT.

FLANAGAN: JUST BE SURE YOU DON'T SCREW IT UP. I NEED THIS TO GO WITHOUT A HITCH. IT'S THE LAST TIME MAKE IT WORTH IT.

ROUNDTREE: UH HUH. (Holds hands out.) OH, COME ON BABY. FIND THAT MISSING NUMBER.

Scene: Darkened street. Gary & Chuck walking along toward store. Gary, carrying the paper, is several steps behind the anxious Chuck.

CHUCK: COME ON. HURRY UP. WHAT, DID YOU BREAK A LEG OR SOMETHING?

GARY: WHAT'S YOUR HURRY?

CHUCK: I'LL TELL YOU MY HURRY. IT'S A TWO WITH SEVEN ZEROES AFTER IT.

(Mayor's limo pulls up in front of studio. He and Phil are seated in the back seat. The mayor has Patsy in his lap and is patting her.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: WELL, HERE WE ARE. WISH ME LUCK.

UNCLE PHIL: YOU DON'T NEED LUCK. YOU NEED A SMALLER CAR.

MAYOR GARFIELD: I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND. BY THE WAY, I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR DOG.

UNCLE PHIL: PUT IT IN WRITING.

(Mayor nods, opens car door and exits.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: THANKS, PETE. (Stops to fix his tie. Flanagan walks over. Shakes Mayor's hand.)

FLANAGAN: AH, MR. MAYOR. GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

MAYOR GARFIELD: THANKS, TOM. SO AM I.

FLANAGAN: I'VE PREPARED A STATEMENT FOR YOU --

MAYOR GARFIELD: OH, DON'T BOTHER. I'VE GOT MY OWN. AH, THE MEMBERS OF THE PRESS. HOW ARE WE DOING TONIGHT? (Waves both hands in the air.)

REPORTER: MR. MAYOR! MR. MAYOR! THIS WAY, SIR!

Scene: Convenience store. Gary & Chuck enter.

CHUCK: OKAY, LET'S GET IN HERE AND BUY, BUY, BUY.

GARY: NO, NO, NOT YET. (Looks at his watch. Paper is in his left hand. Walk around.)

CHUCK: ARE YOU NUTS? THE THING CLOSES IN SIX MINUTES.

GARY: (Raises hand in "stop" gesture.) FIVE MINUTES.

CHUCK: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? (Scrunches his face.)

GARY: I JUST DON'T FEEL LUCKY YET. (Gestures with both hands.) AH, GUM. (Points with right hand.)

CHUCK: GARY YOU DON'T NEED TO FEEL LUCKY. YOU'VE GOT THE NUMBERS RIGHT THERE IN THE PAPER. (Gary & Chuck walk toward counter.)

MAN: HELP YOU?

GARY: SPEARMINT. (Takes money out of his pocket. Hands to clerk.)

MAN: THERE. (Hands Gary the gum Gary tucks paper under his left arm and unwraps the gum.)

CHUCK: OH I GET IT. AAH! YOU'RE TRYING TO TORTURE ME, AREN'T YOU?

GARY: HUH?

CHUCK: THIS IS SOME KIND OF SICK REVENGE. (Rubbing his hands together and looking at Gary.)

GARY: YOU WANT SOME GUM? (Holds gum out for Chuck to take a piece.)

Scene: TV Studio. Mayor talking to reporters.

MAYOR GARFIELD: WE'RE WORKING ON IT AT THIS MOMENT. I THINK THAT WE CAN DO EVEN BETTER. I AGREE THE INFRASTRUCTURE SITUATION NEEDS A THOROUGH REVIEW, AS WELL AS CERTAIN FUNDS. (TV crewman approaches the mayor.)

TV CREWMAN: EXCUSE ME, SIR. WE'LL NEED YOU IN MAKE UP.

MAYOR GARFIELD: I'M GOING TO ANSWER MORE QUESTIONS LATER.

REPORTER: IS HE OKAY?

REPORTER 2: I THINK SO WHY?

REPORTER: HE TALKED TO US BY HIMSELF.

MAN: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE CLEAR THE FLOOR. WE'RE ON THE AIR IN 10.

(Miss Becker is seen walking through the crowd over to Flanagan.)

MISS BECKER: HE'S MAKING STATEMENTS.

FLANAGAN: ABOUT WHAT? MISS BECKER: WELL, I DIDN'T HEAR IT ALL, BUT I THINK IT WAS ABOUT THE EMERGENCY FUND.

FLANAGAN: NO. YOU HEARD WRONG. HE'S NOT SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW ABOUT THAT. (Looks at Miss Becker.)

MISS BECKER: BUT HE --

FLANAGAN: I SAID YOU MISHEARD. (Leaves the room and goes back the engineering/maintenance room.) ROUNDTREE, WHERE ARE WE?

ROUNDTREE: GETTING READY TO PROGRAM THE ON-STATE COMPUTER.

FLANAGAN: WAIT A LITTLE LONGER.

ROUNDTREE: THAT'S CUTTING IT CLOSE. IT TAKES 10 MINUTE--

FLANAGAN: I DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES. I SAID WAIT.

Scene: Convenience store. Gary and Chuck are still hanging around.

GARY: CAN I BUY A BAG OF THOSE PEANUTS THERE? (Points toward display behind the clerk. Clerk gets them and hands them to Gary.)

CHUCK: (Getting agitated.)HELLO, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. WOULD YOU BUY A TICKET? HOW MUCH LONGER?

GARY: THREE MINUTES. IN A MINUTE. (Rips open bag of peanuts. Pours some into his hand and pops them into his mouth. Offers the bag to Chuck.) WANT A PEANUT?

Scene: TV Maintenance & Engineering room. Flanagan hovers over Roundtree.

ROUNDTREE: NO. THERE'S STILL TWO MINUTES. YOU'RE SURE NO ONE WILL PICK IT?

FLANAGAN: IT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. FOR SOMEBODY TO PICK IT NOW, THEY'D HAVE TO BE A PSYCHIC.

ROUNDTREE: THERE IT IS. 29...6...

Scene: Convenience store. Gary is reading the numbers from his paper. The clerk punches them into the machine. Chuck eagerly repeats each number.

GARY: 17.

Chuck: 17.

GARY: 38

CHUCK: 38.

GARY: 20.

CHUCK: 20.

Scene changes briefly back to Flanagan & Roundtree. Metropik #s appear on the computer screen in front of them.

FLANAGAN: AND 7.

Scene changes back to Gary & Chuck in the convenience store.

CHUCK: YES. IT'S IN. WE DID IT.

CLERK: WILL THAT DO IT?

GARY: DO IT.

(Clerk pushes final button. Ticket prints out. Clerk hands to Gary. Chuck snatches before Gary can. Gary grins at the clerk and points at Chuck with his right hand. Snatches the ticket from Chuck's hand and leaves.

CHUCK: YES, YES, YES. GAR? (Sees Gary leaving.)

GARY: I'VE TO GO.

Scene: Dark Maintenance & Engineering room. Flanagan starts to leave. Roundtree puts hand on shoulder to stop him.

ROUNDTREE: HEY, WHEN DO I GET MY SHARE?

FLANAGAN: SIX WEEKS, ONCE I THROUGH THE MAYOR'S FUND.

ROUNDTREE: DON'T YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS, SKIMMING RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER THE MAYOR'S NOSE?

FLANAGAN: I PAID MY DUES. HE GETS THE MANSION, I'LL SETTLE FOR THIS. I'M NOT GREEDY. (Shrugs his shoulders and half grins.)

ROUNDTREE: BUT...

FLANAGAN: OKAY, THIS IS IT. FROM NOW ON, THINGS ARE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. YOU AND I ARE GOING TO BE ON EASY STREET.

(Roundtree sits at his computer again. Flanagan leaves for the studio. Computer screen reads NO MATCH FOUND. Roundtree sips his coffee again.)

Scene: TV studio. Gary & Chuck are entering the studio for the drawing. Chuck looks thrilled. Has Gary by the arm. Gary just looks straight ahead.

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAYOR GARFIELD.

MAYOR GARFIELD: WELL, HERE WE ARE AGAIN. I KNOW YOU'RE ALL ANXIOUS TO GET TO THE DRAWING.

CHUCK: OH, THERE'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT. (Bounces up and down on his toes. Very anxious. Gary calmly stands there watching.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: BUT BEFORE WE DO, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO THE PEOPLE OF CHICAGO.

CHUCK: OH, MAN. GET IT OUT. (Camera switches between Gary & Chuck and the Mayor)

MAYOR GARFIELD: I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN UNHAPPY. WELL I HAVE TOO, AND TONIGHT WANT TO STRAIGHTEN THAT OUT. SOMETIMES A POLITICIAN LOSES SIGHT OF WHAT'S IMPORTANT, AND I DON'T SOME LEGISLATION FOR HIGHWAYS OR EVEN LOTTERIES TWICE A WEEK. SOMETIMES IN

TRYING TO BE ALL THINGS TO EVERYONE, HE ENDS UP BEING NOTHING TO ALL.

CHUCK: I CAN'T TAKE THIS. I GOT TO GO TO THE JOHN. LOOK WAIT RIGHT HERE. (Bouncing up and down again. Gary nods slightly in acknowledgment.)

MAYOR GARFIELD: AS FOR THE GUY IN THE MANSION, STARTING TOMORROW, MY DOOR IS OPEN TO ALL. THAT'S HOW I STARTED OUT, AND THAT'S HOW I'M GOING TO FINISH UP.

(Camera switches to Phil in the limo.)

UNCLE PHIL: ATTABOY, MR. MAYOR.

MAYOR GARFIELD: SO NOW, MISS, (Shrugs his shoulders) IF YOU WILL DO THE HONORS.

[FANFARE PLAYS as young woman walks over to giant lever and pulls it down to start the computer drawing. Flanagan returns to the studio and steps up behind Becker.]

MAYOR GARFIELD: HERE WE GO. WE ARE ON-STAGE MET-PIK. THE COMPUTER IS BUSY SHUFFLING THOSE NUMBERS IN RANDOM ORDER. 29, 6, 17... THOSE ARE THE NUMBERS. AND NOW MISS, DO WE HAVE A WINNING MATCH?

FLANAGAN: NOT A CHANCE.

MAYOR GARFIELD: WE HAVE A WINNER!

FLANAGAN: NO.

GARY: AND A LOSER. (Steps up behind Flanagan with police in tow.)

FLANAGAN: WHAT'S THIS?

POLICE OFFICER: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST SIR. CONSPIRACY TO FRAUD, MISUSE OF CITY PROPERTY. (Nods at Flanagan)

FLANAGAN: YOU HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT. (Roundtree appears behind Gary and the officer.)

ROUNDTREE: UH, ACTUALLY, GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

FLANAGAN: LET ME TALK TO THE MAYOR. (Being handcuffed)

GARY: SORRY. THE MAYOR CAN'T SEE YOU TODAY. (Gives Flanagan his own words back smiling and nodding as the cops finish cuffing him.)

POLICE OFFICER: COME ON. YOU GOT A RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. YOU GIVE UP THAT RIGHT... (Leads Flanagan away. Chuck now returns from the men's room.)

CHUCK: WHAT HAPPENED? DID WE WIN? GARY? GARY!

[REPORTERS SHOUTING as Flanagan is led out in handcuffs. Gary stands nearby with the winning ticket in his hand. Phil approaches from the left.)

PHIL: ME, I'D KEEP IT.

GARY: YEAH?

UNCLE PHIL: I FIGURED I BOUGHT IT, IT'S RIGHTFULLY MINE. I'D GET MYSELF ANOTHER CART, MAYBE TWO, WITH CHROME, MAYBE A PUPPY.

GARY: YOU'RE GOING TO DO THAT ANYWAY. WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE? (Taps Phil on the chest lightly.)

UNCLE PHIL: I DON'T KNOW. I CAN GET ONE OF THESE ANYWHERE.

GARY: YOU KNOW, WHAT I REALLY NEED IS A JOB.

(Gary & Phil walk down the street together.

UNCLE PHIL: SO WHY DON'T YOU COME AND WORK WITH ME?

GARY: SELLING HOT DOGS?

UNCLE PHIL: FLEXIBLE HOURS, ROOM TO ADVANCE. I FORGOT. HA, HA, HA. YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN. WELL, HOW ABOUT MAYBE A NEWSPAPER REPORTER?

GARY: NO, NO NO, THANKS

UNCLE PHIL: YOU KNOW, I CAME HERE ON A TUNA BOAT...

CHUCK'S CLOSING MONOLOGUE: OH, WELL. EASY COME, EASY GO.

UNCLE PHIL: I KNEW WHEN I CAME HERE...IT'S A GREAT COUNTRY, ISN'T IT? WHO NEEDS 20 MILLION CLAMS ANYWAY?

CHUCK'S CLOSING MONOLOGUE CONTINUED: AFTER ALL THIS IS AMERICA. HERE EVERY DAY IS A NEW DEAL A MAN'S DREAMS ARE WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN GOLD.

[CAT MEOWS]

(Cat sits next to paper in hallway outside Gary's room. Close up of paper.)

CHUCK: WHERE THE LITTLE GUY CAN REACH THE TOP. EVEN IF HE HAS TO CRAWL UP A DRAINPIPE TO GET THERE, AND WHERE SOONER OR LATER, EVERYONE HAS A SHOT AT GETTING EXACTLY WHAT THEY DESERVE.

CHUCK'S CLOSING MONOLOGUE: SISTER MARY AGNES FOUND THE WINNING LOTTERY TICKET ON HER DOORSTEP AND DONATED THE CASH TO A FOSTER CARE CENTER... WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE.

HEADLINE: FLANAGAN INDICTED. NUN FINDS MISSING LOTTERY TICKET; DONATES TO CHARITY.

THE END


Many thanks to Janet for sharing her fanscription of "Thief Swipes Mayor's Dog" – Thank you!


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1997 - 2001, etc.
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