December 24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time Santa's Workshop...

Chief Elf [Mia] was surprised to see a tall stranger when she opened the workshop door. "Down here!" she shouted when the visitor stared right over her head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the [bright] newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," she explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf and Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [hand] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[Holy Mother of God!]," he breathed when he saw the [crispy] toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Superman]?" [Mia] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [pickemup truck], and then I had to trade a [man] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [hunky] [bodies], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we've got Christmas under control here. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [gory], and the [Buzz Lightyear Action Figures] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [stockings] and [silk] [scalpels]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [fingers]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [Baby Beans] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Canada] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [sodas] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [spilling] [seals] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Mia] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let it join in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Mia]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Ian] the [Sodden] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone needs a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed a [Lego] off a nearby table and brandished it [slowly]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [recliner] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Mia] reached up to shake Gary's hand as he showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [encyclopedia] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [brown] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Mia] slapped her forehead. "Of course!" She hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with a [chartruese] [shirt]. "Just hold onto this and [chop] it [42] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." She whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Mia] promised.

She patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then she watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and, after performing the prescribed ritual, muttered, "[All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.]"

He was whisked off into the [plush] December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a [succulent] [bean]!"

December 24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time Santa's Workshop...

Chief Elf [Marissa] was surprised to see a tall stranger when he opened the workshop door. "Down here!" she shouted when the visitor stared right over her head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the [crazy] newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," she explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf, you know. Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [nose] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[Holey Moley!]," he breathed when he saw the [acquisitive] assortment of toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Freakazoid]?" [Marissa] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [Jaguar XK12L], and then I had to trade a [house] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [back-stabbing] [speedboats], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we got Christmas under control here. We are Y1999K tested and ready to go. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [smarmy], and the [Furbys] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [guns] and [inquiring] [starships]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [ankles]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [Barbie] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Serbia] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [jackals] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [devouring] [vampires] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Marissa] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let it join in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Marissa]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Chuck] the [Sensitive] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone's getting a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed a [Buzz Lightyear] off a nearby table and brandished it [velievably]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [lamp] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Marissa] reached up to shake Gary's hand as she showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [dessert] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [fluorescent] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Marissa] slapped her forehead. "Of course!" She hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with an [admirable] [pipedream]. "Just hold onto this and [select] it [69] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." She whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Marissa] promised.

She patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then she watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and muttered, "[Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.]"

He was whisked off into the [deadly]December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a [huggable] [toy]!"

December 24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time Santa's Workshop...

Chief Elf [Marilyn Monroe] was surprised to see a tall stranger when she opened the workshop door. "Down here!" she shouted when the visitor stared right over his head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the [squishy] newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," she explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf, you know. Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [spleen] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[Fiddlesticks!]," he breathed when he saw the [savy] assortment of toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Spiderman]?" [Marilyn Monroe] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [Batmobile], and then I had to trade a [pacifier] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [slimy] [spoons], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we got Christmas under control here. We are Y1999K tested and ready to go. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [shiny], and the [Slinkys] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [candles] and [speckled] [flowers]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [pituitary glands]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [Chrissy Doll] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Iceland] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [icebergs] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [beating] [eggs and feathers] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Marilyn Monroe] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let it join in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Marilyn Monroe]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Fred Astaire] the [Skimpy] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone's getting a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed [Rockem Sockem Robots] off a nearby table and brandished them [lightly]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [ball] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Marilyn Monroe] reached up to shake Gary's hand as she showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [pincushion] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [sharp] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Marilyn Monroe] slapped her forehead. "Of course!" She hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with a [wavy] [hat]. "Just hold onto this and [sparkle] it [8] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." She whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Marilyn Monroe] promised.

She patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then she watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and muttered, "[Up on the housetop, reindeer pause, out jumps good old Santa Claus...]"

He was whisked off into the [wonderful] December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a [fantastic] [tree]!"

December Santa's Workshop24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time...

Chief Elf [Bertha] was surprised to see a tall stranger when she opened the workshop door. "Down here!" she shouted when the visitor stared right over his head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," she explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf, you know. Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [toe] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[Oof!]," he breathed when he saw the [scary] assortment of toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Wonder Woman]?" [Bertha] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [Jeep Cherokee], and then I had to trade a [pickle] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [sour] [seeds], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we got Christmas under control here. We are Y1999K tested and ready to go. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [pungent], and the [Slinkys] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [crickets] and [scraggly] [toenails]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [foreheads]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [Barbie] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Canada] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [fishes] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [laughing] [lips] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Bertha] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let it join in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Bertha]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Scott] the [Terrible] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone's getting a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed a [Rubik's Cube] off a nearby table and brandished it [happily]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [shoe] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Bertha] reached up to shake Gary's hand as she showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [ear ring] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [shiny] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Bertha] slapped her forehead. "Of course!" She hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with an [ugly] [lemon]. "Just hold onto this and [run] it [13] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." She whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Bertha] promised.

She patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then she watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and muttered, "[Dashing through the snow...]"

He was whisked off into the [wet] December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all [cold] [toes]!"