December 24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time Santa's Workshop...

Chief Elf [Harry] was surprised to see a tall stranger when he opened the workshop door. "Down here!" he shouted when the visitor stared right over his head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the [merry] newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," he explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf, you know. Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [forehead] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[Peskipiksi Pesetrnomi!]" he breathed when he saw the [amazing] assortment of toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Aquaman]?" [Harry] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [Nimbus Two Thousand and One], and then I had to trade a [fruitcake] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [unimaginative] [Muggles], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we got Christmas under control here. We are Y1999K tested and ready to go. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [brilliant], and the [Mr. Potato Heads] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [candles] and [shiny] [ornaments]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [earlobes]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [Same Like Me Doll] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Norway] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [presents] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [chopping] [wands] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Harry] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let it join in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Harry]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Albus Dumbledore] the [Magic] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone's getting a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed a [Barbie] off a nearby table and brandished it [wizardly]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [rat] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Harry] reached up to shake Gary's hand as he showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [cat] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [bald] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Harry] slapped his forehead. "Of course!" He hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with a [crazy] [world]. "Just hold onto this and [fly] it [forty-two] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." He whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Harry] promised.

He patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then he watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and muttered, "[Everybody knows a turkey!]"

He was whisked off into the [special] December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a [prickly] [mistletoe]!"

December 24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time Santa's Workshop...

Chief Elf [Gus] was surprised to see a tall stranger when he opened the workshop door. "Down here!" he shouted when the visitor stared right over his head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the [winsome] newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," he explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf, you know. Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [pinkie-toe] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[Merciful Providence!]" he breathed when he saw the [mannered] assortment of toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Mighty Mouse]?" [Gus] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [four-in-hand], and then I had to trade a [lighthouse] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [plaintive] [sheep], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we got Christmas under control here. We are Y1999K tested and ready to go. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [handsome], and the [wagons] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [diamonds] and [headstrong] [lightbulbs]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [hands]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [rag doll] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Canada] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [fishin' boots] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [orphaning] [piglets] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Gus] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let it join in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Gus]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Felicity] the [Fanciful] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone's getting a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed a [sling shot] off a nearby table and brandished it [smugly]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [violin] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Gus] reached up to shake Gary's hand as he showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [candlestick] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [proper] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Gus] slapped his forehead. "Of course!" He hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with a [lilting] [pudding]. "Just hold onto this and [dance] with it [1907] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." He whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Gus] promised.

He patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then he watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and muttered, "[O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum, wie treu sind deine Blätter."]

He was whisked off into the [calamitous] December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all an [inventive] [ruby]!"

December 24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time Santa's Workshop...

Chief Elf [Ike] was surprised to see a tall stranger when he opened the workshop door. "Down here!" he shouted when the visitor stared right over his head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the [babyish] newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," he explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf, you know. Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [head] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[Yikes!]" he breathed when he saw the [crazy] assortment of toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Mighty Mouse]?" [Ike] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [hansom cab], and then I had to trade a [detective] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [keen] [criminals], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we got Christmas under control here. We are Y1999K tested and ready to go. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [shiny], and the [dreidels] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [stars] and [prickly] [Christmas trees]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [hands]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [Pikachu Plush doll] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Japan] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [fruit cakes] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [eating] [dogs] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Ike] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let it join in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Ike]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Bernie] the [Egotistical] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone's getting a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed a [Nintendo 64] off a nearby table and brandished it [quickly]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [elf] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Ike] reached up to shake Gary's hand as he showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [reindeer] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [lethargic] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Ike] slapped his forehead. "Of course!" He hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with an [ugly] [cow]. "Just hold onto this and [crunch] it [12] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." He whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Ike] promised.

He patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then he watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and muttered, "[Have yourself a merry little Christmas...]"

He was whisked off into the [gargantuan] December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all some [tiny] [hay]!"

December 24, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time Santa's Workshop...

Chief Elf [Abby Normal] was surprised to see a tall stranger when she opened the workshop door. "Down here!" she shouted when the visitor stared right over his head.

Startled, the man looked down, fiddling with the [underlined] newspaper he held in his hands. "Uh, hi, I'm Gary--"

"Hobson. Chicago, Illinois. Nice. On an epic scale. Except every once in a while when you start giving your friends a hard time. Your paper gave you away," she explained when Gary's eyes widened. "I'm the Chief Elf, you know. Listkeeper. You don't think Santa can keep it all straight himself, do you? Now get in here before you freeze your [ring finger] off."

Gary brushed snow off his coat as he stepped into the workshop. "[You're kidding!]" he breathed when he saw the [blue] assortment of toys that lined the shelves and workbenches.

"So, what's the big disaster, [Meat and Potatoes Man]?" [Abby Normal] demanded. "How'd you make it all the way to the North Pole, anyway?"

Gary fidgeted. "Well, first I hitched a ride on a northbound [school bus], and then I had to trade a [red button] for a flight to Anchorage on a cargo plane full of [bumpy] [jackets], and then..."

"Never mind, I get the picture. Look, I know who you are, and what you do, but let me tell you, we got Christmas under control here. We are Y1999K tested and ready to go. The Pokemons are sorted by color, the stockings are [wooly], and the [Buzz Lightyears] are wrapped and sealed for your protection. We've got plenty of [back packs] and [square] [sleighs]--all for the little ones, Christmas joys. What could go wrong?"

"I'll tell you what could go wrong; I got a whole paper fulla what could go wrong!" Gary exclaimed. He waved the Sun Times in the Chief Elf's face. "First of all, you got a load of GI Joes with defective [brain stems]. Second, you're gonna get all the Bobbies in Chicago mixed up, and let me tell you, when little Bobby McKenna's mom finds that anatomically correct [Matty Mattel] in his stocking, she's gonna blow--and third, there are all the kids in [Canada] who are going to get assembly directions for their new [vests] printed in Swahili!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture."

"Look, the point is, it's all gonna happen because there's nobody doing a final quality check, because in about five minutes, a disgruntled reindeer is gonna come in here and start [singing] [clocks] all over the place!"

"A disgruntled reindeer?" [Abby Normal] asked dubiously.

"I guess they wouldn't let itjoin in any reindeer games." Gary shook the paper in [Abby Normal]'s face. "You gotta believe me. It's right here in black and white." Just then, the door burst open, and in strode [Bob Pherapples] the [Shiny] Reindeer, antlers waving dangerously.

"Five minutes, huh?" the Chief Elf asked Gary. "Guess someone's getting a new watch for Christmas."

"Nobody's getting anything if we don't get that reindeer out of here!" Gary grabbed a [Turbo Man] off a nearby table and brandished it [hotly]. "Get back!" he shouted. The reindeer backed away from him, and the elves were able to get a [hair clipping] over its head and hustle it out the door.

"Hey, thanks, you really saved our operation." [Abby Normal] reached up to shake Gary's hand as she showed him to the door. "Maybe you'll find a little extra [DVD player] in your stocking this year. Well, have a [lackadaisical] Christmas, and--"

"Hey, wait a sec! How am I supposed to get back home?" Gary demanded.

[Abby Normal] slapped her forehead. "Of course!" She hurried over to a cabinet, and returned with an [elusive] [Christmas tree]. "Just hold onto this and [hang] it [525,600] times, then say the magic words, and it'll take you right back to Chicago." She whispered the magic phrase in Gary's ear.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Gary.

"Nope, it's 100% guaranteed," [Abby Normal] promised.

She patted Gary on the back, shoving him out the door with the same movement. Then she watched in secret amusement as Gary stood, ankle deep in snow, and muttered, "[Hark, how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, 'Throw cares away...']"

He was whisked off into the [checked] December skies, calling as he disappeared from view, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a [striped] [ring]!"